• 1

    posted a message on [VERY WIP] [no downloads] Rise of the Myths!
    Hey, you need to put this in the thread so people can use the banner:

     [IMG]http://i47.tinypic.com/4jooqt.png[/IMG] [url="http://www.minecraftforum.net/topic/1721867-very-wip-no-downloads-rise-of-the-myths/"]http://www.minecraftforum.net/topic/1721867-very-wip-no-downloads-rise-of-the-myths/[/url] 
    Posted in: WIP Mods
  • 1

    posted a message on [VERY WIP] [no downloads] Rise of the Myths!
    AW YEAH
    Thanks for bringing this mod back! I know we can do this :D
    I would like to help with developing this mod, even though I'm not that good at coding. So if you want I can texture some sprites for you. Also, I'd like to be a beta-tester :D
    LETS DO THIS
    Posted in: WIP Mods
  • 1

    posted a message on Apply For Op
    Hello!

    Real Name: Drake M.

    minecraft username: orangemars2000

    Experience: I own a server, and have been Mod/Admin on a scattering of others.

    What I Can Do: Manage plugins, be fair, and build well.

    What I Can't Do: PvP, redstone

    Why I Wanna Be Op: To help the server grow and prosper! (And maybe, just a little reason why may be because I kinda like authority :P)
    Posted in: PC Servers
  • 2

    posted a message on FAILED TO LOGIN: JAVA.IO.IOEXCEPTION: SERVER RETURNED HTTP RESPONSE CODE
    Quote from Brahma3

    Removed post quote removed


    Ill take that as a compliment.
    Posted in: Server Support and Administration
  • 2

    posted a message on 1.2.5 Server [Factions] [Survival] [FUN]
    Small faction survival server, friendly community, create a peaceful faction and relax with friends, or destroy your enemies with you Allies. So Join Now!
    IP: 68.44.104.145
    Owner: orangemars2000
    Posted in: Minecraft Survival Servers (archive)
  • 1

    posted a message on [1.1] BioMod 1.0
    Holy [Section removed by those cesoring dudes]
    THIS IS AWESOME!
    MUST DOWNLOAD
    - :GoldBar: :Diamond: First Post :Diamond: :GoldBar: -
    Keep up the good work!~
    Posted in: Minecraft Mods
  • 1

    posted a message on Most durible mob?
    I'd be:
    1) :iapprove:
    2) Enderdragon
    3) Creeper
    4) Blaze
    5) Chicken
    6) Sheep (just cause ppl shear them, not kill)
    Posted in: Survival Mode
  • 1

    posted a message on More Crafting [1.2.3]
    Nice~
    Simple and yet effective!
    Keep it up, I might make a mod like this for my first one!
    (With different recipes :wink.gif:
    Posted in: Minecraft Mods
  • 1

    posted a message on PG-13+ Jokes
    One day a man got injured in a car crash. He was alive but he had to be sent to a hospital. When he woke up he shouted, "I can't feel my legs."

    "I know" the docter said, "I've amputated you arms."


    Frank the Chili Taster

    Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Taster Named FRANK, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast:

    "Recently I was honored to be selected as an outstanding Famous celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a chili cook-off, because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted.

    Here are the scorecards from the event:

    Chili # 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili

    JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

    JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

    FRANK: Holy ****, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with it. Took me two beers to put the flames out.

    Hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

    Chili # 2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili

    JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.

    JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

    FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to walkie-talkie in 3 extra beers when they saw the look on my face.

    Chili # 3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili

    JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.

    JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.

    FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest.

    I'm getting ****-faced.

    Chili # 4: Bubba's Black Magic

    JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

    JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.

    FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Sally, the bar maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb. ***** is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear-waste I'm eating.

    Chili # 5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover

    JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

    JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

    FRANK: My ears are ringing, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage.

    Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks!

    Chili # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety

    JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.

    JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.

    FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that **** Sally. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!

    Chili # 7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili

    JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

    JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

    FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like **** to match my damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4 inch hole in my stomach.

    Chili # 8: Helen's Mount Saint Chili

    JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

    JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out, fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank.

    FRANK: -------------- (editor's note: Judge #3 was unable To report)


    Voodoo Penis

    A business man was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so he thought he'd buy her a little something to keep her occupied while he was gone.

    He went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation.

    The old man said, "Well, We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except---" and he stopped.

    "Except what?" the man asked.

    "Nothing, nothing."

    "C'mon, tell me! I need something!"

    "Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo Penis."

    "So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked.

    The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old wooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and there lay an ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big damn deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"

    The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said, "Voodoo Penis, the door."

    The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form down the middle.

    Before the door split, the old man said "Voodoo Penis, return to box!"

    The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and lay there quiet once more.

    "I'll take it!" said the businessman.

    The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo Penis, my crotch."

    After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny and remembered the Voodoo Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said, "Voodoo Penis, my crotch!" The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping.

    It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three mind-shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.

    Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road.

    A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.

    Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had anything to drink, officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me!"

    The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an arrogant voice replied, "Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass."

    The rest is history.
    WalMart Urinalysis

    One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."

    "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Walmart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer'll tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars ... a hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor."

    So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Walmart. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.

    That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

    He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure.

    Jack hurries back to Walmart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following:

    1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
    2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
    3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
    4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
    and
    5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.

    case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

    1. On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping". (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair)

    2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside". (Evidently, the shoplifter special)

    3. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how ...?)

    4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost." (But it's *just* a suggestion)

    5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box) "Do not turn upside down". (Oops, too late!)

    6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating". (As night follows the day ...)

    7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body". (But wouldn't this save even more time?)

    8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication". (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with colds off those forklifts.)

    9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness". (One would hope)

    10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only". (As opposed to what?)

    11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use". (I gotta admit, I'm curious).

    12. On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts". (NEWS FLASH,Hello!)

    13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: Fly Delta).

    14. On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly". (I don't blame the company, I blame parents for this one.)

    15. On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals". (Was there a chance of this happening somewhere?)
    Don't Lie to Your Mother

    John's mother was visiting from a nearby town. During dinner one evening, his mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and the roommate and this only made her curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thought, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates."

    About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote:

    Dear Mother,
    I'm not saying that you "did" take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying that you "did not" take a gravy ladle; but the fact remains, that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."
    Love,
    John

    Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read:

    Dear Son,
    I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with Julie, but the fact remains, that if she were sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now
    Love,
    Mom



    Children's Books That Weren't

    1. You Are Different and That's Bad
    2. The Boy Who died from eating all his vegetables
    3. Dad's New Wife Timothy
    4. Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
    5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-it Book
    6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchiking
    7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
    8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
    9. All Dogs go to Hell
    10. The Little Sissy who Snitched
    11. Some Kittens Can Fly
    12. That's it, I'm putting You Up for Adoption
    13. Grandpa Gets a Casket
    14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
    15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
    16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
    17. Strangers Have the Best Candy
    18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get your Way
    19. You were an Accident
    20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
    21. Pop! Goes the Hamster ... And Other Great Microwave Games
    22. The Man in the Moon is Actually Satan
    23. Your Nightmares are Real
    24. Where Would You Like to be Buried?
    25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
    26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet be Friends?
    27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
    28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry.

    There, if u no lol, u no human
    Posted in: General Off Topic
  • 2

    posted a message on Would you want the ability to teleport if..
    Yes, of course. I'll just make sure it's in a locker with clothes and a bucket.
    Posted in: General Off Topic
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