Hey there Spawn, I worked with Benn on this and we've a few things we want to address.
-Concerning the backstory of the character, overall the concept of it is perfectly fine. We were a bit disappointed to see that the tribe the character was from wasn’t named. But we liked the concept of it, though we believe a few things worthy of change would be how the inhabitants of this tribe became generally larger and stronger than most normal people; as saying it was because of a, “harsh upbringing” doesn’t entirely explain much of anything. Instead we feel it would be better if it was because of incest, radiation, cannibalism, or a combination of these things.
As well as the unnecessary harshness of his childhood. While perfectly fine to have a character who was beaten by his parents or had some sort of rough upbringing, we feel it better if there was some sort of explanation as to ‘why’ this happened. Rather than just having a rough upbringing simply because it makes him more ‘deep’.
-His high pain tolerance "flaw" is hardly a flaw at all, your example of his pain tolerance worries me as it implies he's so resilient to pain that he would not notice an arrow in his back, which is simply unrealistic and overpowered.
-Requested equipment and character's current status in Coahuiltecan; in the final paragraph of of your backstory you state that he is slightly more than a slave, has he earned their trust as a warrior(implied by his weaponry) in only a few years, how did he rise among the other slaves with a quick temper and hate for his captors(who aren't really in desperate need for better warriors)? I appreciate the attempt at diversity, but if you want him to be a slave turned warrior you should rethink how you play this character, his personality and explain in his backstory how he worked his way up, however I strongly recommend you just start as a slave, get a feel for how the character works before deciding how he acts, this will also be much easier to explain in backstory
-We've tried to hold back on nitpicking at things that don't necessarily need to be addressed, but the following is noteworthy:
His hatred for the Coahuiltecan and plan to work his way up the ranks either for a chance at revenge or just to survive conflict with his personality "tends to get ticked off easily and/or prefers a more brawn over brains" "doesn't aspire to any sort of greater goal" "tendency to lash out at others who tick him off in any sort of matter" looking past the personality conflict, if I focus on his personality he seems like a recipe for disaster as a Coahuiltecan slave, however you seem to describe him being beaten into obedience. I feel like when you wrote his personality you weren't describing his current state, does he obey them while hating them and therefore no longer quick-tempered and brutish? Again this isn't a horrible issue but we'd like some clarification.
As of right now you are Denied
You have 2 more tries, we look forward to hearing from you again if you have any questions you have our skypes.