I found this yesterday and have read through it and I really like it. There are a few things I would like to say:
(this is a bit more on the words used)
In chapter 3 when it says
"the cage gushed out an evil aura, telling anything that would pass by 'Run, for I shall get you.'"
I think that a stronger word than "get" should be used. "Get" can be used in too many situations to accurately describe that the box is evil.
In chapter 4 Rebecca says "I don't see why you are so uptight. Explorers are always so strict about time. He will get here when he gets here."
Shouldn't she say craftsmen because thats what chris is? That or I misunderstood what it said.
All in all i really liked the story so far and i hope to see you expand on the lavender smell they smelled in chapter 7 and the similarities between the guy with the egg and the chief of the village they are from (both have rings in hair). I like all of the characters, but I think that Rebecca needs more of a personality. Most of the characters are shown with a bit of backstory and their interests (Steel and his roses and Vladamir and his family are examples) yet there is nothing about Rebecca. I hope to see some more information on these characters because they are interesting and well thought out. I really like this story and look forward to more of it.
Application: player
IGN: mertusday
Age: 14
Do you have skype? yes
Why do you want to join the server? I have not done much on public servers, and this one seems like a fun and open server, that does not have any unfair restrictions.
Have you ever been banned? if so leave a comment why you we're banned. Nope.
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Cool. Thanks for reading my comment.
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(this is a bit more on the words used)
In chapter 3 when it says
"the cage gushed out an evil aura, telling anything that would pass by 'Run, for I shall get you.'"
I think that a stronger word than "get" should be used. "Get" can be used in too many situations to accurately describe that the box is evil.
In chapter 4 Rebecca says "I don't see why you are so uptight. Explorers are always so strict about time. He will get here when he gets here."
Shouldn't she say craftsmen because thats what chris is? That or I misunderstood what it said.
All in all i really liked the story so far and i hope to see you expand on the lavender smell they smelled in chapter 7 and the similarities between the guy with the egg and the chief of the village they are from (both have rings in hair). I like all of the characters, but I think that Rebecca needs more of a personality. Most of the characters are shown with a bit of backstory and their interests (Steel and his roses and Vladamir and his family are examples) yet there is nothing about Rebecca. I hope to see some more information on these characters because they are interesting and well thought out. I really like this story and look forward to more of it.
0
IGN: mertusday
Age: 14
Do you have skype? yes
Why do you want to join the server? I have not done much on public servers, and this one seems like a fun and open server, that does not have any unfair restrictions.
Have you ever been banned? if so leave a comment why you we're banned. Nope.