Everybody's trying to cheer me up, you guys are trying to cheer me up, but i feel dead. I don't know how to explain, i just feel dead from inside. It's like when you are so so angry, that you just calm down? or when you are so sad, that you just stay motionless, with a blank stare. That's how i am now. Sometimes i have happy thoughts, but they are so rare, and memories of when i was a little girl, it just crushes me. Everything's in my back. I feel lonely, and it feels like forever.
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Feb 28, 2013Posted in: General Off Topic
Feb 28, 2013Posted in: General Off TopicQuote from Kata
That was the most helpful and direct thing i've heard since my shrink.I have been forced to become a shell, a shadow of a person that i used to be for a long time. It is consuming me from inside. My thoughts now are "My parents and friends would be better if i didn't even exist, worrying for someone that is just a burden to everybody. I'll in the future be happy, but that will come with a price. Sadness. because to get a little happiness, you have to pass through a freaking long sadness."I feel like a burden. I can't stop worrying about college, but i can't go to college or i'll freak out in front of everybody. I ran away from home yesterday to see if i could handle it, and had a nervous breakdown in the classroom. I don't know where to search, i'm lost.
Feb 28, 2013Posted in: General Off TopicI've readed everything and that really made me feel comfortable about my condition, but not happy.I've always knew that i'm not helpless. I'm in a very complicated situation and i believe that accepting this will allow me to see things clearer, also with the help of therapy and medication.Thanks sweethearts, you helped me a bunch. Everybody has their view of life, and i'm started to discover what mine is about.
Feb 28, 2013Posted in: General Off TopicQuote from CreATiveHippo
Your story seems quite sad and I see you're very desperate.I have a few advices for you:
1.Suicide is pointless.If you kill yourself,you earn nothing,absoloutely nothing.Think about your parents and all relatives and friends that care about you.
2.Think about the kids in the Horn of Africa.They don't have suicidal thoughts because they consider that life is the most important thing!They want to survive.They don't have computers or TV.They don't go to school.They work along with their parents,on the field.They don't have toys or sweets or books.They don't get their hands on money.But they are happy.
You,on the other hand,have a lot of things,things that other people dream to have them.But obviously,you're not happy at all.
3.Watch this video.Think about it:
Life is beautiful.We make it look ugly.
I know that, around the world people have problems that are gazillion worst than mine. Should that make me feel better? Of course not. My problem now is "seeing the light". I'm hopeless. I'm tired of everything.I can't even eat or get out of my bed... I really hope the medications cheer me up. But thanks for the advice and the wonderful video
Feb 28, 2013Hi guys. I'm Wakigawa.Posted in: General Off Topic
I'm a girl. My name is Julia de Oliveira Wakigawa. I live in brazil, rio de janeiro.
I never had any goals in my life. Never. I never thought of working in that area, or having kids, or anything like that. I think i was just born this way. I am a very lonely girl. I never had many friends, never liked to hang out that much, my parents had a tough break, and they always protected me from the "truth". Life's hard as hell, but they protected me with lies, attempting to not disappoint me. I was very young, about 4 or 5... I never understood that very well.
Like i said, i never had many friends. I'm super, super shy, people used to bully me in school for being like that, exceptionally that kind of "popular girl". I used to cry freaking nights about that. I used to be idiot too, but that's just natural. Idiot because i liked the beautiful boys. I got into 2 relationships that ended the same way. I gave all my love, and received betrayal. That started to consume me. My loneliness, the betrayals, school, everything started to fall apart, and i decided to put on a mask. To be like them. For about 3 years i started to drink, hang out, and destroy myself with more lies and lies. I was never prepared for "life", my parents always protected me from that. I feel guilty. I started dating a boy. He's wonderful. But i couldn't believe in "love" anymore, I started treating him bad, not trusting him, that kind of thing. well, 9 months had passed and he decided to break up with me, because we reached a point where we were always fighting. That also crushed me for making the mistakes i swore not to. That mask started to melt on my face, and i started to suffer a lot.
I just wanted to vanish from this world. I am killing myself every second past. Saturday i tried to kill myself, but that just caused me to call for attention from everybody. My parents got desperate, but they had it coming. They knew i was lonely like that. My friends freaked out and tried to help me. I started to cry a lot.
It's like having no skin. everything that touches me burns. That's how my feelings are now...
I went to the shrink yesterday, and was diagnosticated with depression. but not the "common", but a serious depression. I can't kill myself, my instinct of "protecting my life" is bigger than the common person, so i tried to "kill myself" to call attention from help, for i am destroying myself every second. That depression is worse than killing youself, because when you die, it's over. But i suffer.
Tomorrow i'll start to take heavy medicine. Every day someone shows up in my bedroom with a lifestory and trying to help me and giving my life advices, big long conversations that end up in tears. i don't eat and sleep for 2 weeks... i don't know really what to do. hope is the last thing? i lost it. i don't know why i'm even posting this here, i'm crying all over the keyboard. i just want to make this all go away and i don't know vanish, but i can't..
Dec 15, 2012Wakigawa posted a message on [1.6.4] WPAPI v0.3.2 - last updated November 18, 2013Posted in: WIP ModsI'm cheering for you!
Dec 14, 2012Posted in: Minecraft ModsQuote from _R2D2_
It works on me with smart moving. What about using some brain (if you have one) to post a log?
Hey, hey. Stop there.Do you have to be a **** about it? Stop being rude.
Dec 13, 2012Posted in: Minecraft ModsWhen i have Mo'Creatures or any other mods with ThaumCraft, I can't use the portable hole or the Hellish Furnace. Any ideas on this issue?Thanks! You've done a marvellous work, Azanor.Loved your avatar. LOL Ain't that the alien from the Metal Slug series?
Dec 11, 2012Wakigawa posted a message on OptiFine HD (FPS Boost, Dynamic Lights, Shaders and much more)Posted in: Minecraft ModsHaving intense lag spikes with forge 430. Anyway, great mod!
Dec 10, 2012Posted in: Minecraft ModsPixelli, sweetie, could i ask you a favor? I don't know if i'm asking too much, but here it goes:Could you make this mod compatible with Improved First Person? I would just love thatThanks sweetie! The MOD in question is here: http://www.minecraftforum.net/topic/754426-125improved-first-person-view-version-125r3/page__st__600
Dec 10, 2012Posted in: Minecraft ModsHey, creator of this mod.Can i ask something of you? Really? I mean, i'm not saying it will not be hard, but could you make this mod compatible with iPixeli's Gender? Pretty please? ;-;Thanks!
Dec 10, 2012Posted in: Minecraft ModsOh boy, i'm getting the same bugs quoted in this topic. Hoping for a full release soon!
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