Minecraft Forums

Big red text! This post is... sort of... mostly satirical. Don't take it personal. Unless you're one of the people who constantly makes these mistakes below.

1. Herobrine

I wonder how many signed up to this forum just to suggest that Herobrine be added in the game. I wonder how many of these same kids kept grinning while typing their posts thinking "People are gonna love this idea. I'm sure of it!" Only to come back to their threads to find a bunch of posts filled with hate and ended up getting locked.

Yes, it was probably really interesting and fun when Herobrine first came out, but it's time to let go. There is such a thing as "overdoing it". Maybe you're new to the Herobrine thing, but realize that everyone else might not be, and that you're beating a dead and resurrected horse by bringing it up again. Do the right thing. Let it die. There is no alternative solution. Accept this.

2. "Sheep should drop food!"

"All the other animals drop food. Why not sheep?" I don't think a day has passed when I go to any Minecraft related forum and see a thread titled "Sheep should drop mutton!" Just because the possibility is there, it doesn't mean it's a must add. Sheep can already be used as an infinite generator of wool. The game has more than enough food: 22 items of food to be exact. Well, 23 if you want to count Spider Eyes.

Now, this isn't the worst oversuggested thing. In fact, this appears so much that I kind of want Mojang to implement this just to shut some players up.

3. Bandits

I don't know if the rest of you have seen as many "Minecraft should have bandits" threads as I have. Every bandit thread I've seen contains some sort of human mob that's 8 times more annoying than the Creeper. Strangely enough, all the threads I've seen have painfully similar (and rather stupid) details:

• They should steal from your inventory and run away!
• They should sneak into your house at night and take from your chest!
• When they steal something, they run as fast as the player can and are very hard to catch! Durr!
• They only steal your diamonds!
• If you die while bandits are nearby, all the stuff you dropped is gone forever!
• They can knock you out with a shovel. (So I can be robbed completely even at full health? Cool!)

Come on, don't give me that look. Would you love to have stuff from your chests stolen by a douchy mob? You wouldn't enjoy bandits taking your diamonds after you spent hours trying to find them.

4. Carrying Lanterns/Light Helmets

You'd think people would get the message and understand that dynamic lighting + Minecraft = performance suicide. The best part is when the suggester tries to fight back and say "Oh, well Mojang could find a way to make it not lag. So I'm sure they could do it!" Do you understand the complexity of Minecraft's programming and also that of Java in general? No? Then swallow your words and don't say that crap. It's very easy to sit back and say what's possible without actually knowing that.

The static lighting system we have now can be buggy as hell, so imagine the problems dynamic lighting would bring. Take a good look at the threads made by people with excellent PC's that suffer from miniscule light and chunk updates. Let's not throw dynamic lighting on that fire of rage. Static lights do a good job of marking where we've been anyway. Imagine a bunch of dynamic lights in a multiplayer game. Yeah...


5. Tameable <hostile_mob>

Very much like Herobrine and dynamic lights, controlling hostile mobs... Will. Not. Happen. Imagine if in Half-Life 2 you had a device that could control every Combine soldier at will. It would shift the balance and challenge of the game so painfully. Sure, this kind of thing may work for BioShock and Skyrim, but Minecraft is not those kind of games. Wolves and Iron Golems do the job just fine already.

6. "It can be optional!"

My god. Stop saying this for small suggestions. The things I would give for these words to be a bannable offense. Whether you want to believe this fact or not, when you say "It can be turned off if you don't like it!" you're actually saying "I'm not 100% confident in my idea. I'm partially sure my idea could go hated or game-breaking, so I'm going to add the optional thing in a vain attempt to make my idea better." No, you didn't make your idea better by saying that. If your suggestion is good enough, there's no need for it to be optional anyway.

Leave the optional things to the bigger stuff. Such as structures and the enabling of cheats - you know, major stuff. Don't add optional crap to tiny stupid suggestions like "ride on cows!" or "blocks of bacon!"

7. Natural Disasters

No, we don't want ugly blocky tsunamis flooding the world. No, we don't want randomly occuring tornadoes that swipe us away while destroying our nice big houses. No, we don't want earthquakes that split up terrain and possibly under our homes. No, we don't care if it adds any form of realism. It's performance heavy and unfun. Let's leave those kind of suggestions under our hats. Forever.

8. "Make Villagers fight!"

Once again, this is a part where I say my classic "Stop asking for it. It won't happen. Deal with it." card. It's very sickening when suggesters get cocky and have the nerve to say "Why don't Villagers defend themselves, what was Mojang thinking?" in the same way that I ask "Why did you make that bad suggestion and not use the search button? Why do you think after doing something and not beforehand like you should have?" Guys, if we were meant to have fighting Villagers, we would have them by now. Buuuut... we don't.

If fighting Villagers was ever on the idea table, why did they put effort into making an Iron Golem? Wouldn't they put the "fighting" effort into Villagers first? We also have the Witch, so if you wanted a fighting Villager... There you go. Our cross-armed little friends with decent trades and huge noses aren't going to uncross their arms and throw down anytime soon. Let's just move on.

9. "Let us choose our enchantments!"

Yes, because Mojang totally made enchantments random by complete accident, and totally forgot to fix that with every update after that. You know, it's almost as if... the enchantment pickings were made random on purpose! Woah!

And you know what? It's almost as if enchantments being random had an actual reason to be random! Perhaps so we don't easily get our Sharpness V on our diamond swords? Perhaps so we don't easily get our Fortune III on our diamond pickaxes? Perhaps so we learn to make do with what we get instead of diving straight for the most powerful enchantments while the others go forever untouched?

10. Seasons

This almost doesn't qualify to be on the list, but at the time of typing these exact words, a lot of "seasons" threads have come up. I know I said this already in #4, but if you don't understand the way Minecraft is coded and how Java works in general, then bite your tongue and don't spew out those "It may be hard to program, but I'm sure Mojang would do it!" comments. Just because something CAN be programmed, doesn't mean it must be or will be.

We don't need seasons. At all. Take a good look at the biomes, and you'll notice that the "seasons" are all right there. Taiga gives you winter. Desert gives you a painfully dry summer. You get the picture.

11. Thirst Bar

"We have a hunger bar. Why not a thirst bar?" You may as well ask "We take dumps in real life. Why not in Minecraft?" Remember the amount of rage that emerged when the hunger bar first came to be? Remember seeing threads saying "omg we should an option to remove hunger like how it was in old minecraft."

So what makes a thirst bar any better? Do I even have to mention how people wouldn't like monitoring a another bar? Do I have to mention that we don't wanna haul water bottles around that help clog our inventory? We got a lot going on in the game, let's not tack on a crappy thirst system. No, we don't want it for Hardcore Mode either, so stop making those threads and get yourself a damn mod.

12. Dialogue

Though I don't think the addition of dialogue would be completely game-ruining, it would still end up being annoying. People are still asking to bring back that classic "AUGH!1" sound that occurred when taking damage. I'm sure that sound was removed for a very good reason if they took the time to change it (and it made more sense if you had a female skin). I hated that sound, but I'm getting off track.

For the longest time, this game has done so well for one without any dialogue voice acting. I find it very fitting as well, as clear dialogue would feel out of place in a low-res graphics, blocky world. We'd also get annoyed of the constant phrases that got repeated over time.

13. Obsidian Tools

I'm sure just about every Minecraft player on the planet has had this idea appear in their heads. Every Obsidian Tools thread I've ever seen ends up having tools stronger than diamond. No further explanation is needed for why that would be overpowered.

14. Gold Coins

"Just about every other game out there has gold coins. Why not this one?" Because Minecraft doesn't have to be part of those "every other games"? In fact, almost any suggestion that starts out with "other games have this, why not Minecraft?" deeply sickens me. It's called originality. I'm sure a lot of players would be disappointed if Notch or Jeb jumped on the bandwagon and started copy and pasting from other games left and right.

Sorry fellas, Emeralds are a nice new way of currency obtainable by both ore and trading. Just because it's different doesn't mean it's bad. I don't think Mojang would put effort into Emeralds and then give us gold coins. Let's just enjoy our original Emeralds.

15. Craftable Diamonds

Use your brains here... If diamond ore is elusive, hard to find and very valuable, then why the hell would they be made craftable? You may as well make diamond ore just as rare as iron ore. No, turning the crafting of diamonds into a painfully slow process doesn't make the idea better. Make some effort and go underground.

16. "Add a story!"

I hate making this comparison, but try adding a story to Garry's Mod. Yeah, that wouldn't work so well. Suggesting that Minecraft has some sort of small lore here and there is one thing, but a story or "campaign" just won't fit in. For the longest time, we've had a storyless customizable Minecraft that worked so well, why ruin that now? Let Minecraft players make up their own adventure, no need to tack on a generic story this late in the game.

All the stories people suggest that Minecraft have are all generic, convoluted crap. At least the one's I've seen.

17. "Let us choose our versions!"

This is another one of those good ol' "I don't understand at ALL how Minecraft is coded, but I'm sure Mojang would still do it!" moments. Let's try and do some critical thinking here. Have you ever noticed how many mods get broken and have to be redone to work on newer versions of Minecraft?

Do you know how many things get broken in Minecraft for just ONE fix? What makes you think the implementation of choosing ANY previous version on command would work? Accurately? It's like volunteering to build a platinum-coated mansion for an old man and his pet snail - no one would do it, and there's 0% need to do it. Invest in some Google time, and your older versions can be found there.

Better yet, use THIS.

18. More Ores

Just stop it. We can make do with the ores we have now. Stop using the convoluted "we need more ores because we don't have that many so we need more!" argument. Chances are, the people making these threads are not professional game developers, and don't truly know the long-time impact more ores could bring.

No guys, having more types of metal is not gonna magically make the game better. At least not metals that are used only to make new tools and armor. We're not getting silver, bronze, copper, titanium or even platinum. Let's not clutter our caves with new ores that are added just for the sake of being added.

If you have more stuff to add to this list, please say so. I'm prepared for any amount of hate this thread will most likely rope in.

19. More Golems

It seems everytime Mojang adds a second version of something, everyone jumps on the post-before-thinking bandwagon and starts suggesting that we have 10 more golems.

This is not ServitudeCraft. We don't need to tack on all these player-helping mobs. We have wolves, ocelots, near useless Snow Golems and hulking Iron Golems. We don't need anymore. It won't kill you to do things for yourself and not rely on some new utility mob to do it for you. So it's best to keep ideas such as "Obsidian Golems" or "Clay Golems" forever locked in your head and not presented to the public.

20. "Give everyone capes!"

No? Donate to optifine, buy a minecon ticket or become part of Mojang. Otherwise, you're not getting a cape. There's no reason to ruin the integrity of just because "you want one". It's like giving a first place trophy to every competitor other than the person who actually won first place. It just doesn't work that way.

Time to be super mean now, again. Stop suggesting getting capes for free or through achievements. Stop making those threads just because "you want a cape really really bad =(" because you're not going to achieve anything. Unless you host your own server with a cape mod, you're never getting one. Your tears and exponential want for them will remain forever. Come to peace with the fact that a cape will never be yours. Accept this eternal fact, and try to move on with your life.

21. Monster Spawners in Survival

It's as if a plague swept the Earth where many unlucky humans were stricken with "I don't know the first damn thing about game balance!" disease. I only know of two cures for this disease:

1.) You make a dumb suggestion, get made fun of for it and you learn your mistake.
2.) Use that brain of yours to know the balance of your suggestion beforehand. (Recommended)

With the proper resources, any monster spawner you find can turn into an infinite generator of mob drops. So why the hell would be allowed to carry them and place them right by our houses with Silk Touch? You wanting to put a zombie spawner near that nice iron block mansion of yours just because "you don't feel like going out at night killing zombies" is not a valid reason. Suck it up and go out at night, or make traps, and just about any night mob can fall to your feet. Or do both, whatever.

Wait, you're still craving to put those Blaze spawners under that manmade waterfall of yours because you want free Blaze Powder all the time and too lazy to visit the Nether? Mods, mods and mods. Try Too Many Items, that should work. This doesn't and will never belong in vanilla.

22. Emerald Tools

Emerald Tools! Emerald Armor! Emerald Magic Wands! Emerald Cooking Pots! Emerald Jockstraps! Emerald Leg Braces! Alright, I haven't seen the jockstrap and leg braces, but I've seen the others.

Emeralds sometimes become the new Obsidian. "It's a block! It's a material! We gotta make tools out of it! Get on it Jeb! I command you!" No. Much like Emerald tools, they are often suggested to be stronger than diamond, which by itself is overpowered as hell. Imagine an Emerald pickaxe with Unbreaking III. Yeah. Listen guys, we got trading and we got an original form of currency. Let's cut back on the Emerald tools threads, because they won't give us anything in the end.

23. New Dimensions

Alright, relax and stop hyperventilating. Stop waiting for that "Skylands" dimension. Stop going into the suggestions forums and saying "u guyz, put da aether in da gaime!" The Aether is a mod, and will forever stay that way. The Skylands dimension was reworked into The End, and Jeb already told us that the Skylands won't be existing.

Not all of these new dimension suggestions are bad, but a majority of them are underdeveloped dimensions with the red dragon thrown in for no reason. We don't want a explosion-bound Creeper realm. We don't want a stupid Pigmen realm. Give your dimension some originality and stop copy and pasting from things we already have in the game.

24. Ender/Nether Prefix Suggestions

"You guys! Enderwands! Enderwolves! Endercreepers! Endervillages! Enderslimes! Endercouches! Endersinks! Enderherp! Enderderp!"

The Endermen are some very interesting mobs with a lot of originality and mystery. Yeah, they're pretty awesome. Yes, we have an Enderdragon too, but that's enough for us. Oh wait, no. We have an entire End dimension too. That's enough for us. Yes, we got a bit of Ender going on in the game, but that doesn't mean we have to tack on a hundred other "Ender" prefixed things which would spoil and chip away from the Ender name. Don't take the easy, effortless prefix route. That's getting old. Be original.

But it doesn't stop there. "Hey guys! Nethersnakes! Netherarmor! Netherfish! Netherrocks! Netherglass! Netherdoors! Netherclay! Netherwood! Nethershoelaces! Netherblouses! Netherhurr! Netherdurr!"

Did it ever occur to those people that it's not the law to make a suggestion for the Nether and adding a "Nether" prefix? Answer: No, the law does not exist. You will not be taken from your home in the middle of the night by the CIA if you be original and stop using overused prefixes.

25. "Castles! Knights! Kingdoms! All that stuff!"

Little Billy plays some fun hours of Skyrim, then starts to think, "omfG minecraft should have this too!!1!" If you look closely, you'll see that Skyrim and Minecraft - are in fact - NOT the same game! They happen to be two different games! Amazing right?!

Just because one game has a lot of stuff, doesn't mean other games need it too. There was plenty of time to add knights and castles in the game, but you know what? We don't have that. You know why? Because that isn't what Minecraft is about. Minecraft is a game where you build what you want and must explore the vast blocky world all alone, but you can still have some tamed mobs or meet a few villagers along the way.

Finding one single village in Minecraft can give us a ton of resources, so imagine how overspoiling entire kingdoms would be. Please think about this the next time you compare Minecraft to the thousand other RPG games out there.

26. "Make the Enderdragon harder!"

I'm gonna try to be nicer on this one. Will I succeed in doing so? Not really, but I'll try. I can see perfectly why people would think the Enderdragon is too easy. Quite frankly, I've seen some a few decent suggestions on this subject.

The problem is not so much this suggestion, but how people approach this. "omG guys thuh enderdragin should be wayyy faster and reflect arrows and breathe fires and repair his own crystils and tie the player down and commit r-" Sorry, I went too far there, but the first four ideas I've seen mentioned before.

What people seem to forget is that once you enter The End, it's a fight to the death. You only have two ways back to the Overworld. A painful death where you possibly lose everything, or a fight to the end. It's foolish to not prepare before entering The End, but hey, bad luck can always find a way. Maybe a sword breaks early. Maybe you run out of arrows (which would be horrible if the dragon's crystals could be repaired somehow). Whatever. You also risk looking a load of Endermen walking amongst their homeworld.

The dragon can also push you into the void where you lose everything. Remember that 8 million players might suffer horribly from a harder Enderdragon while only you enjoy it. More people play the game than just you. And perhaps, an easier Enderdragon may be the best thing in the long run. Not that I know that for sure, but it still might be the best thing. Hey! I did it! I was a lot nicer there, I think!

27. Guns

"My god... Are you serious, Theriasis? You waited until #27 to post this?" I'm sorry. I thought this one was too easy at first, but a lot of people wanted it on the list. If you notice in that fake quote I did, the words "serious" and "Theriasis" can be combined into "Seriasis"! That's pretty wicked! Now, about guns in Minecraft...

Much like the harder Enderdragon ones, I've seen some suggestions that are well balanced. In the long run though, I hope guns never touch Minecraft, regardless of balance. We have swords, bows, arrows, potions, magic enchantments with silent monk villagers and silent witches as the only other humans among us. I don't think guns would fit in so well. At least not in vanilla. I imagine them being a nightmare in multiplayer.

Many others suggest guns in a much more... stupid manner. Much worse than slow civil war muskets or rifles. That's right Little Billy, we know you love Call of Duty, but Uzi's with red dot sights, akimbo M9's and flashbangs aren't a very good Minecraft suggestion.

28. "Make Villagers do all this stuff!"

Not all of those kinds of suggestions are bad, but some are just insanely lazy where the OP just goes "ummm like ummm ok so make villagers like plant new crops and ummm build houses and ummm like uhh dig mines and ummm yeah so uhhhh..."

Yes, let's make villagers do our jobs for infinite time. Let's wait until they plant new crops so we can steal them all over again. Let's have Mojang break their backs with the insane amount of programming to have them flawlessly build houses that we can take. Yes, let's have them dig mines and possibly take our ores or have them dig themselves into deadfalls and lava pools.

No. Let players do all that stuff. Let's not have a mob do all that for us so we can manipulate them to create more and more stuff for us. This is why you take the time to think about the long term effects of your suggestion instead of getting all giddy and thinking "My idea is soooo goooooood!! I have to post it! I'll come back to collect all my +rep and supports later!" Please, don't.

29. Red Dragon

Yes, we get it. You want the Nether and/or the Overworld to have all these dragon lairs. Just because we have one dragon in the game, it doesn't automatically mean "Yup. We need more." Just because the Red Dragon was going to be added at some point, doesn't mean it's an absolute must.

Before you get amped up and make that 200th thread about "auuugh why isn't da red dragon in the game augh!!!" Take a minute to think about that. Perhaps the red dragon doesn't exist because... it was a conscious choice to NOT have it in the game in the end? Mojang didn't constantly forget to add this new dragon in with every update.

So please, before you make accusations on why old ideas aren't implemented in the game such as "oh god mojang is lazy" or "oh god mojang keeps forgetting herpty derpty durr", ask yourself, "Maybe it's best for the game that it didn't exist in the long run?"

No, brought up ideas by Mojang that aren't implemented =/= thing that MUST be implemented. Perhaps the sky doesn't need all these new dragons filling it.

30. "Dragon egg hatches and we tame and fly it!"

"And then we can fly around in the Overworld which makes traveling like waaaayyy too easy! Yeah! It'll be like Creative Mode, but in Survival Mode! Yeah! Another thing, the dragon can attack things on command so we can make wolves and iron golems useless! Yeah! Please support!"

31. "Shaders! Shadows! All that stuff!"

"Performance kills! Overworked CPU's! All that stuff!" Mods, use them. Take a good look at the technical support forums. You'll find that a lot of people with beefy PC's are having extreme performance issues with Minecraft. Simply chunk updates and light updates can be glitchy as all hell.

So yeah, let's add these overworking shaders that would require suicidal amounts of programming to perfect and would lag people to death. No, it doesn't matter if it's an option if it ain't worth adding to begin with. Mods, use them. No, don't tack on the sentence "and Mojang could make it not lag because I believe in magic!" If only life was that good.

32. "Uncontrollable Dreams!"

"Okay so like yeah uhh like whenevr u go to sleep you hav a chanse of getting a dream at random and sometimes u can get nightmares and u hav to fight ur way thru dem bcuz u just have to and like anyway like..."

Some people fail to have the simple thought of the following: when we use a bed, we do it to skip a night and get on with what we're doing during the day. I don't want to get locked in some dream world I had no control over in going there.

This might be interesting the first time, but every once in a while, the game taking a gamble and grabbing you by the throat and making you go to a dream world will annoy people. We've got ores to mine. We've potions to make. I don't want to fight through a creeper-related nightmare all the time to just to get back to it.