IGN: FluffyKeeshond
----
IC-
Character name: Baron Von Munchausen (first name is Hans)
Hey there! First off, thanks for applying! Your app is good, but it needs some changes before I can accept you.
The skin looks a little... silly, with his expression and all. It's a great skin in itself, but not exactly suited for the server. A couple small tweaks to his face to make it looks a little more neutral would be great.
Your background is alright, but quite bare. I want to know more about how he grew up, detail into how the Embrace affected him, and the plague after. And I noticed, he travelled alone, with presumably no experience in fighting, and a bad back. He would be completely vulnerable, an easy target for bandits, or if he bumped into some of the corrupted. If he met up with a couple others and travelled with them, or maybe found a group?
More detail in how he survived the years after the plague would be wonderful.
I'm really hoping you will look at this and make the necessary changes, Hans sounds like he'd be a very interesting person to meet.
Denied. Just make these changes, and we should be all set to go!
Alright. Sorry for the wait, but here's the review.
First off, I want you to fix up your grammar and spacing. (I know the spacing is the editors' fault, we've all been there) You have to remember to proof-read, make sure what you're trying to say makes sense. Because at the moment, I didn't get half of what you were saying.
Your skin. The one with the suit and mask just looks a little silly, being one flat colour and all. Try to make it look at least a little more realistic with some shading, but there are PLENTY of suit skins if you're having trouble. And the mask honestly looks strange too.
With the doll suit... no. Just no. We don't want to have people RPing peacefully, then seeing some guy in a doll suit, of all things, running around and ruining the immersion. The idea of it... not the greatest for a minecraft roleplay server. So I suggest you show his love for dolls in some other shape or form.
I have to say though, the idea was quite creative, just not really what we want on the server.
I would love if you wrote more on his appearance and personality, just describing what he wears in greater detail. And more importantly on the personality, what his strengths and flaws are, and any skills. That right there, is vital. Also, why could he also be called Lucas? It doesn't say anywhere in Lionel's background that he was called that.
Next... so Lionel had absolutely no encounters with a corrupted, and actually stayed in the village that, by now, would be full of them?
You might want to change that.
As for the doll, I want a better explanation as to why he grew so attached to it, other than it just being "because he had no parents". Perhaps he liked it, and pretended it was his friend? Maybe you can take the more insane approach, and say he thought the doll talked to him? It's up to you, but the explanation would be nice.
"Lionel played with the doll right next to him most of the kids though he was evil because he had this tall but he was mostly misunderstood." Right, so I don't get this sentence. First of all, what kids? Where did he meet them in this scary world filled with bandits and corrupted people? Did he find a group after the initial chaos?
Secondly, a kid playing with a doll wouldn't come across as evil, unless he was playing out some messed up stuff with the doll.
"One night in his house" "important items such as money" Again, what house? After the plague hit, there would be utter chaos, people getting sick and attacking others left and right, bandits, looters, you name it. So you would either run on your own, or in a group. Or with this group, you'd find a small, abandoned village that was relatively safe, and stay there (until you got driven out by others who wanted this place for their own).
At this point, money and possessions would be useless, people are now fighting to survive. If they can't eat it, or use it as medicine, it's pointless to have.
"he spent several nights in jails for small actsOf crime" In the world after the plague, there would be no one to enforce laws. So if Lionel got caught, he would most likely be dead by now. If he even entered this village you talk about, the group in it would be very wary, and most likely drive you out if you didn't plan to join said group.
After reading this, I don't think you fully understand the lore. Try to take into account the atmosphere of a post-plagued world, and please re-read the lore. Maybe even another accepted app or two, to try understand what this world is like.
Denied. Feel free to try again! And don't be afraid to ask questions if you have any.
IGN: (the one you use to log in)
slvrbullet
Character name: Lief "Nightshade" Arderne
Thanks for applying, but the standard isn't quite there. I want to know more about Lief, such as, how he learnt to use the bow and arrow? Any trials that happened while he was wandering in the wilderness? And who gave him the nickname "Nightshade"? Is that something he called himself?
Secondly, his only flaw seems to be his anger, and that isn't too big of a flaw in itself. Is there nothing else that could be a setback for him? You could be really creative, and put a story behind one of his quirks, such as something that happened to him while he was out in the wilderness.
He was 11, and killed the entirety of the people in his village. That's a little hard to believe, there would have been someone to combat him, at least. So make them changes, and I can accept you!
Hey guise, I'm MouseCakes, one of the mods on this server. I can't wait to open it up and RP with everyone! We've got some awesome things planned too, so come and join us!
Hey guys, ehrm....can I ask circa how long will be the server down? Ya know, I just returned from hospital and have to be home for like a month, so...I need something to do...
Sadly, Vilkaya won't be going back up. Bigger problems came up that we couldn't fix, all that.
HOWEVER.
The new staff team have opened a brand spanking new server, right over here: http://thecrystalisles.enjin.com/home
It's still being made, but we are making great progress. We already have some lore up, and the map is looking great!
Well, Sage and I found a fun thing to do while we wait for the server (Other than play Terraria of course).
Go and look for your first ever roleplay application, and read it. Mine was eh, but Sage's was........beautiful.
Do it and cringe! I dare you all! X3
OOC-IGN: Zack561444 Is English your first language?: Yes Previous RP experience: 3
First off, thanks for applying!
Secondly... you'll need to fix a few things before getting accepted.
Such as, you might want to go read the lore. There was no King Kalogate, and no king has passed away. Try to leave the lore that would affect the entire continent to the lore writers, mmkay?
Also, in what province is Hearthfire? Cirya, Eitheor....
More detail into Phoenix's time in the wild would be nice.
I don't think you understand how BIG a deer is. I mean, seriously, hunting every day, and bringing back a deer after each hunt? You can't eat an entire deer in one day. That's just... PREPOSTEROUS. *tut* *tut* *tut* But in all seriousness, the bigger problem on this...part (can't find the word for it) is the fact his father, that had hunted for the family up until this point, suddenly can't. I mean, "He could have saved his father if he had just brought him food." He's completely dependent on his son for food now? I thought he could hunt for himself. I know you say Phoenix is the family hunter now, but what made his father not be able to hunt for himself? Maybe an injury, or something logical.
Right. Your writing needs a little work at the appearance/personality section. All I can see is "He is blah blah. He is blah blah." And so on. And your background story... where are the commas? I dun see many, they must've all ran away. Try to add more variation into the sentences you write, not just, "He did this. He did that. Finally this happened."
Proof reading. You have to re-read it and think: Is this interesting? Are there any obvious grammatical errors? Do I just ramble on and on?
Alright, I think that's it. Read the lore, make sure what you're writing reflects how well you can RP (and by well I mean WELL, seeing as your experience is a 3), and finally, re-apply, because we would love to RP with ya!
0
Hey there! First off, thanks for applying! Your app is good, but it needs some changes before I can accept you.
The skin looks a little... silly, with his expression and all. It's a great skin in itself, but not exactly suited for the server. A couple small tweaks to his face to make it looks a little more neutral would be great.
Your background is alright, but quite bare. I want to know more about how he grew up, detail into how the Embrace affected him, and the plague after. And I noticed, he travelled alone, with presumably no experience in fighting, and a bad back. He would be completely vulnerable, an easy target for bandits, or if he bumped into some of the corrupted. If he met up with a couple others and travelled with them, or maybe found a group?
More detail in how he survived the years after the plague would be wonderful.
I'm really hoping you will look at this and make the necessary changes, Hans sounds like he'd be a very interesting person to meet.
Denied. Just make these changes, and we should be all set to go!
0
*sigh* One day people will learn to remove the format when copy-pasting...
Anyway, your application has been responded to on the Vilkaya Forum.
Go check it out, and make them changes.
0
Oh wow. Was editing a post, and this is the last thing I copied apparently...?
0
0
Alright. Sorry for the wait, but here's the review.
First off, I want you to fix up your grammar and spacing. (I know the spacing is the editors' fault, we've all been there) You have to remember to proof-read, make sure what you're trying to say makes sense. Because at the moment, I didn't get half of what you were saying.
Your skin. The one with the suit and mask just looks a little silly, being one flat colour and all. Try to make it look at least a little more realistic with some shading, but there are PLENTY of suit skins if you're having trouble. And the mask honestly looks strange too.
With the doll suit... no. Just no. We don't want to have people RPing peacefully, then seeing some guy in a doll suit, of all things, running around and ruining the immersion. The idea of it... not the greatest for a minecraft roleplay server. So I suggest you show his love for dolls in some other shape or form.
I have to say though, the idea was quite creative, just not really what we want on the server.
I would love if you wrote more on his appearance and personality, just describing what he wears in greater detail. And more importantly on the personality, what his strengths and flaws are, and any skills. That right there, is vital. Also, why could he also be called Lucas? It doesn't say anywhere in Lionel's background that he was called that.
Next... so Lionel had absolutely no encounters with a corrupted, and actually stayed in the village that, by now, would be full of them?
You might want to change that.
As for the doll, I want a better explanation as to why he grew so attached to it, other than it just being "because he had no parents". Perhaps he liked it, and pretended it was his friend? Maybe you can take the more insane approach, and say he thought the doll talked to him? It's up to you, but the explanation would be nice.
"Lionel played with the doll right next to him most of the kids though he was evil because he had this tall but he was mostly misunderstood." Right, so I don't get this sentence. First of all, what kids? Where did he meet them in this scary world filled with bandits and corrupted people? Did he find a group after the initial chaos?
Secondly, a kid playing with a doll wouldn't come across as evil, unless he was playing out some messed up stuff with the doll.
"One night in his house" "important items such as money" Again, what house? After the plague hit, there would be utter chaos, people getting sick and attacking others left and right, bandits, looters, you name it. So you would either run on your own, or in a group. Or with this group, you'd find a small, abandoned village that was relatively safe, and stay there (until you got driven out by others who wanted this place for their own).
At this point, money and possessions would be useless, people are now fighting to survive. If they can't eat it, or use it as medicine, it's pointless to have.
"he spent several nights in jails for small actsOf crime" In the world after the plague, there would be no one to enforce laws. So if Lionel got caught, he would most likely be dead by now. If he even entered this village you talk about, the group in it would be very wary, and most likely drive you out if you didn't plan to join said group.
After reading this, I don't think you fully understand the lore. Try to take into account the atmosphere of a post-plagued world, and please re-read the lore. Maybe even another accepted app or two, to try understand what this world is like.
Denied. Feel free to try again! And don't be afraid to ask questions if you have any.
0
Both accepted!
0
Both of you are accepted!
Thanks for applying, but the standard isn't quite there. I want to know more about Lief, such as, how he learnt to use the bow and arrow? Any trials that happened while he was wandering in the wilderness? And who gave him the nickname "Nightshade"? Is that something he called himself?
Secondly, his only flaw seems to be his anger, and that isn't too big of a flaw in itself. Is there nothing else that could be a setback for him? You could be really creative, and put a story behind one of his quirks, such as something that happened to him while he was out in the wilderness.
He was 11, and killed the entirety of the people in his village. That's a little hard to believe, there would have been someone to combat him, at least. So make them changes, and I can accept you!
Denied.
0
0
Sadly, Vilkaya won't be going back up. Bigger problems came up that we couldn't fix, all that.
HOWEVER.
The new staff team have opened a brand spanking new server, right over here: http://thecrystalisles.enjin.com/home
It's still being made, but we are making great progress. We already have some lore up, and the map is looking great!
0
Go and look for your first ever roleplay application, and read it. Mine was eh, but Sage's was........beautiful.
Do it and cringe! I dare you all! X3
0
WELL. I didn't see Pirate's post. Oops.
0
0
First off, thanks for applying!
Secondly... you'll need to fix a few things before getting accepted.
Such as, you might want to go read the lore. There was no King Kalogate, and no king has passed away. Try to leave the lore that would affect the entire continent to the lore writers, mmkay?
Also, in what province is Hearthfire? Cirya, Eitheor....
More detail into Phoenix's time in the wild would be nice.
I don't think you understand how BIG a deer is. I mean, seriously, hunting every day, and bringing back a deer after each hunt? You can't eat an entire deer in one day. That's just... PREPOSTEROUS. *tut* *tut* *tut* But in all seriousness, the bigger problem on this...part (can't find the word for it) is the fact his father, that had hunted for the family up until this point, suddenly can't. I mean, "He could have saved his father if he had just brought him food." He's completely dependent on his son for food now? I thought he could hunt for himself. I know you say Phoenix is the family hunter now, but what made his father not be able to hunt for himself? Maybe an injury, or something logical.
Right. Your writing needs a little work at the appearance/personality section. All I can see is "He is blah blah. He is blah blah." And so on. And your background story... where are the commas? I dun see many, they must've all ran away. Try to add more variation into the sentences you write, not just, "He did this. He did that. Finally this happened."
Proof reading. You have to re-read it and think: Is this interesting? Are there any obvious grammatical errors? Do I just ramble on and on?
Alright, I think that's it. Read the lore, make sure what you're writing reflects how well you can RP (and by well I mean WELL, seeing as your experience is a 3), and finally, re-apply, because we would love to RP with ya!
0
0
Denied. More info on the Vilkaya site.