Sorry I am typing up another wall, but this one isn't to be a mocking twit or to defy you Frosty, in fact it's the opposite, I congratulate you, apologize to you and throw money at you in the same post.
Please read it, I'm not trying to be a **** this time, okay?
I like what I see and even though I'd just love to be some smug grinning jackass and go spouting how I influenced this, in reality I didn't. It would be stupid of me to think so and it would be even more stupid of you to think I would think so, in fact I feel a bit more stupid just thinking about it.
This server has become for the next generation something I didn't have a chance to witness during my time --you were right-- there is a lot of freedom now and honestly there was before; both in RP and the Open World. Sure it isn't boundless, but that scenario isn't ideal to a player base that is used to being regulated.
For what it's worth, I am happy with the server and how it is, in fact I've yet to hear a complaint from any of my colleagues since Devils Digits outside of Mazz hassling them and I don't take Mazz seriously and fortunately neither do a lot of people.
I recognize that I owe this server quite a lot, it goes without saying that my ambition and I are behind several of the greatest travesties this server has faced. Many of my campaigns and the results of which still evoke tension and distrust when so much as my old username is spoken. I don't mind that and honestly how often is my name even going to be need to be said. I want to make amends for what I've done.
First off I'll follow the shtick of the Australian government and throw money at the problem, upon this posts completion 88 Euro's (A bit over One Hundred Australian Dollars) will have already been wired to your account.
While a bit belated... a promise is a promise. I said before my admittedly unforeseen expatriation that I would send you a wealthy donation when I had the means to do so and now I do.
Secondly, I'm not going to slink my way out of an apology this time. By no means do I intend to get back into the server, though if you want to let me back in that's up to you, but I just need to get this off my chest.
I am sorry. Sorry for the months of grief I have wrought with overloaded posts and myriads of pointless jabs. I am sorry for the terrible excuses (though admittedly the truth was harder to type out just because of length) and I am sorry for endlessly attempting to defend myself when I should have just owned up to being a huge bloody tosser.
I guess this was going to happen at some point, I was just holding off because i don't like getting on my knees and begging for forgiveness like some massive desperate blubberfish but after all the damage I've caused I think it's probably the least I can do.
I hope you'll read this post, because it's a sincere apology. I find it very hard nowadays to be nice to people and I don't feel like going into why.
I just want you to know that while I may have seemed angry I've never actually lost my cool in the sense you imagine beyond that unspeakable post I made way back when. Back then i was legitimately angry for reasons I've already gone into on pages prior and typing out that post got rid of all of that anger. Now I've just come back then and again when my friends have complained about things but doing that is also kind of stupid on my part because it puts up two people for immediate blame even though I have 4 people from this server who still call themselves my friends. It also doesn't help that I've been going by a one sided story rather than getting both parts of it and it's also made my few loyal remaining friends begin to distance themselves from me and while I am a guy who basically lives by 'Never compromise, even in the face of oblivion' previous methods seem to have only upset you.
I'm not asking to be forgiven, to be invited back to the server, or to get back the friends I've lost. I guess I just want to talk about this in a less public place in the same manner I am here. I want to just talk about this and I'm going to admit it, it's guilt that keeps me coming back.
My previous attempts were mostly to coerce you into talking to me in a place less public, but since being a rude prat doesn't translate to Europeans the same way it does to most people I know I've decided to stop doing that.
I realize an encounter with me isn't exactly something you want to deal with and I can understand completely if you don't want to talk to me, but if I can talk to you about this calmly and stop trying to think I did the right things by you then I can stop feeling guilty and move on as you have.
I thought I was at a stage where I had completely stopped caring about Canaleth. One day though a friend of mine and I were in a skype call and he had an accent similar to yours Frost and I realized at that moment that it was not going away.
All that apathy turned into mush before the wailing monster of Guilt, because deep down I realize that I was wrong to attempt to change you. I don't know you all that well and I shouldn't be demanding things on a server which I don't even have the rights to feel entitled about. You are doing this purely because you enjoy it and not because you are some monarchial monster making everyone into mindless puppets.
I let my movies inspire me too far sometimes, i suppose. If anyone was around for the last post before it got deleted you could have easily guessed the inspiration if you'd seen the movie. I actually went to a fair bit of trouble with all of that rubbish, but now I will use my pretty powers of presentation for good.
Sorry, I guess this turned into a wall again but at least it isn't me ranting on with senseless drivel this time! On no, this time it shall be different!
Anyway, hopefully we can talk this over in PM or something and get it over with. If you want a palm reading for my next post, I'll let you predestine such with a Magic 8 Ball.
Yours Truly
-P
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