1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4:
I could not find a book in time.
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, What can you touch?
3. Before you started this survey, what were you doing?
Screwing around on the Minecraft Forums. Where I am now.
4. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
I don't remember, but I think it was the Olympics. (I DON'T WATCH TV MUCH OK?!?!?)
5. Without looking, guess what time it is.
6. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
12:32 A.M. (Close Enough. BI)
7. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
My big puppy, Parker, snoring.
8. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
Nothing. I HAVE NEVER BEEN OUTSIDE. ಠ_ಠ
9. Did you dream last night?
Yes. Everyone dreams every night ya dip.
10. Do you remember your dreams?
11. When did you last laugh?
In about two seconds.
12. Do you remember why / at what?
Because I slept with your mother last night. AH HA HA HA HA! (Told ya!)
13. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
My lightswitch, paint.
14. Seen anything weird lately?
Yes. This quiz.
15. What do you think of this quiz?
16. What is the last film you saw?
Uhh....... DOES NOT COMPUTE. DOES NOT COMPUTE.
17. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?
Under your floorboards.
18. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
More things to do than to answer a quiz.
19. Tell me something about you that most people don't know.
I slept with your mother last night. AH HA HA HA HA! (x2!)
20. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
Change one thing about the world eh? I'd chop the world in half so that Americans can't access other countries.
21. Do you like to dance?
Dafuq do you care?
22. Would you ever consider living abroad?
No, I get seasick. AH HA HA HA HA! (I'm on fire with these!)
23. Does your name make any interesting anagrams?
Jolt. Jolt. Jolt. Jolt. Jolt. Mhmm, they do.
24. Who made the last incoming call on your phone?
Are you from the CIA or something?
25. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
You probably don't want to know. AH HA HA HA HA! (Multi-kill. BI)
26. Last time you swam in a pool?
I haven't swam in a pool recently, but I swam in your mother last night. AH HA HA HA HA! (There's the third "Your Mom" joke this quiz!)
27. Type of music you like most?
Anything by Benjamin Briggs. Search him on YouTube.
28. Type of music you dislike most?
Music I can't hear. Because I'm deaf.
29. Are you listening to music right now?
I'm not listening to anything.
30. What color is your bedroom carpet?
Clear. I have linolium. AH HA HA HA HA! (Six jokes in thirty questions? HAX!)
31. If you could change something about your home without worry about expense or mess, what would you do?
Install a machine to flip anyone who passes my window off. ┌∩┐(⋟﹏⋞)┌∩┐
32. What was the last thing you bought?
33. Have you ever ridden on a motorbike?
No, but the question number looks like a pair of butts.
34. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
HAH! Sure. I'll go bungee jumping, when I want my death certificate delivered to my family.
35. Do you have a garden?
Oh yes. Great Britain is warm, but not too hot, so I have a garden. And now you are confused about my gender ya SEXIST FREAK!
But if you aren't, well, good for you.
36. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?
This is Britain. Everyone knows the national anthem.
37. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?
Why the hell was up I up all night answering this quiz?
38. If you could eat lunch with one famous person, who would it be?
Myself. Because I have self-esteem.
39. Who sent the last text message you received?
My brother. Stole my phone. My brother stole my phone.
40. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
The hell would I max out my credit card for?
41. What time is bed time?
Anytime is bedtime. This is MY house!
42. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?
No, I don't think they'll let anything with a wang in. AH HA HA HA HA! (Waiting for that, huh?)
43. How many tattoos do you have?
52. I'm kidding. I have 53.
44. If you don't have any, have you ever thought of getting one?
Feh. Too late for that, dipwad!
45. What did you do for your last birthday?
My last birthday was over 4 million years ago! But I think I went to Denny's.
46. Do you carry a donor card?
Oh yeah. I've got the card if you have the slot. AH HA HA HA HA! (Sexist, ain't it?)
47. Who was the last person you ate dinner with?
Your mother. And I got DESSERT. AH HA HA HA HA! (Sex joke)
48. Is the glass half empty or half full?
The glass is empty. I drank it all. AH HA HA HA HA! (Three in a row!)
49. What's the farthest-away place you've been?
50. When's the last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
Never. But your mother ate MY homegrown tomato just last night. AH HA HA HA HA! (PM me how many jokes I've made so far)
51. Have you ever won a trophy?
I earned a trophy mom last night. AH HA HA HA HA! (Seriously, PM me.)
52. Are you a good cook?
No, but your mom is delicious. AH HA HA HA HA! (That was gross, even by my standards.)
53. Do you know how to pump your own gas?
Nope, but I know how to pump your mother. AH HA HA HA HA! (This hurts my hands to do.)
54. If you could meet any one person (from history or currently alive), who would it be?
Morgan Freeman. I do the best impression of him. Want to hear? Hello, I'm Morgan Freeman.
55. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school?
Yes. It was embarrasing to wear shorts that were always too short for me.
56. Do you touch-type?
57. What's under your bed?
I don't know, but I'm underneath your bed right now... Waiting for you to turn out the light...
58. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Love at first sight? Dafuq does that mean? Pass by some girl in the middle of the street, get a strange feeling "Love at first sight? No, you just have an erection."?
59. Think fast, what do you like right now?
The fact that this quiz is almost over.
60. Where were you on Valentine's day?
Forgetting it was Valentine's Day.
61. What time do you get up?
Whatever time I want to get up. This is MY HOUSE!
62. What was the name of your first pet?
I forget. But the first I remember is my beagle, Snoopy, who passed earlier last year... Rest in Piece, my friend.
63. Who is the second to last person to call you?
Heck if I know.
64. Is there anything going on this weekend?
Get your mom on the phone. There will be. AH HA HA HA HA! (Kill me now please!!!)
65. How are you feeling right now?
Is feces on the list of valid answers?
66. What do you think about the most?
Is this over yet?
Credit to WaffleLoverz for the quiz, it's was fun putting all those stupid jokes in.
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