I've tried everything. Updating my drivers (3 new updates since this error began getting thrown), downgrading Java to 8u51, updating Java to the latest version, clean installing Minecraft, Hell, I might even use the MCP Decompiler and try to solve the problem myself inside the Minecraft source code! If anybody could help me out, I would love you forever and would let you buy my kids.
Solved the issue. Apparently, if your monitors refresh rate doesn't match with your settings, it goes crazy. Try tuning your refresh rate to 60 or 144, depending on ya monitor. I tuned mine to 66 for fun and when I changed it, everything worked again.