1:1 In the beginning Notch created the aether and the overworld.
1:2 And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of Notch moved upon the face of the waters.
1:3 And Notch said, Let there be light: and there was light.
1:4 And Notch saw the light, that it was good: and Notch divided the light from the darkness.
1:5 And Notch called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day.
And it was exactly 20 minutes.
1:6 And Notch said, Let there be a vault in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.
1:7 And Notch made the vault, and divided the waters which were under the vault from the waters which were above the vault: and it was so.
1:8 And Notch called the vault “sky”. And the evening and the morning were the second day.
And there was a 256 block limit.
1:9 And Notch said, Let the waters under the aether be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear: and it was so.
1:10 And Notch called the dry land Earth; and the gathering together of the waters called he Oceans: and Notch saw that it was good.
And so biomes were created.
1:11 And Notch said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the wheat yielding seed, and the tree yielding sapling after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the earth: and it was so.
1:12 And the earth brought forth grass, and wheat yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding sapling, whose seed was in itself, after his kind: and Notch saw that it was good.
1:13 And the evening and the morning were the third day.
1:14 And Notch said, Let there be lights in the vault of the aether to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years
1:15 And let them be for lights in the vault of the aether to give light upon the earth: and it was so.
1:16 And Notch made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also.
1:17 And Notch set them in the vault of the aether to give light upon the earth,
1:18 And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and Notch saw that it was good.
1:19 And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.
1:20 And Notch said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving passive and neutral mobs that hath life, and bat that may fly above the earth in the open vault of aether.
1:21 And Notch created great squids, and every living creature that moveth, which the waters spawned forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged bat after his kind: and Notch saw that it was good.
1:22 And Notch blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the oceans, and let bat multiply in the earth.
1:23 And the evening and the morning were the fifth day.
1:24 And Notch said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cow, and creeping thing, and passive and neutral mobs of the earth after his kind: and it was so.
1:25 And Notch made the passive and neutral mobs of the earth after his kind, and cow after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and Notch saw that it was good.
But it was not good enough, for he was Notch, and he created the mooshroom.
1:26 And Notch said, Let us make player in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the oceans, and over the bat of the air, and over the cow, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.
1:27 So Notch created player in his own image, in the image of Notch created he him; unbiased of gender created he them.
1:28 And Notch blessed them, and Notch said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the oceans, and over the bat of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.
Go forth and pillage the village.
1:29 And Notch said, Behold, I have given you every wheat, potato, and carrot bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the sapling of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.
1:30 And to every passive and neutral mobs of the earth, and to every bat of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so.
1:31 And Notch saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.
2:1 Thus the Aether and the earth were finished, and all the host of them.
2:2 And on the seventh day Notch ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made.
2:3 And Notch blessed the seventh day, and sanctified it: because that in it he had rested from all his work which Notch created and made.
2:4 These are the generations of the Aether and of the earth when they were created, in the day that the LORD Notch made the earth and the Aether,
2:5 And every plant of the field before it was in the earth, and every herb of the field before it grew: for the LORD Notch had not caused it to downfall upon the earth, and there was not a man to hoe the ground.
2:6 But there went up a fog of render distance tiny from the earth, and watered the whole face of the ground.
2:7 And the LORD Notch formed player of the particles of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and player became a living soul.
2:8 And the LORD Notch planted an NPC village eastward in Eden; and there he put the player whom he had formed.
2:9 And out of the ground made the LORD Notch to grow every tree that is pleasant to the sight, and good for food; the tree of life also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of knowledge of good and evil.
2:10 And a river went out of Eden to water the garden; and from thence it was parted, and became into four heads.
2:11 The name of the first is Pison: that is it which compasseth the whole land above a cave system, where there is gold;
2:12 And the gold of that land is good: there is coal and the copper.
2:13 And the name of the second river is Gihon: the same is it that compasseth the whole land of Mesa.
2:14 And the name of the third river is Hiddekel: that is it which goeth toward the east of the Flower Forest. And the fourth river is Euphrates.
2:15 And the LORD Notch took the player, and put him into the NPC village of Eden to dress it and to keep it.
2:16 And the LORD Notch commanded the player, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat:
2:17 But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.
2:18 And the LORD Notch said, It is not good that the player should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
2:19 And out of the ground the LORD Notch formed every passive and neutral mobs of the field, and every bat of the air; and brought them unto Steve to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Steve called every living creature, that was the name thereof.
2:20 And Steve gave names to all cattle, and to the bat of the air, and to every passive and neutral mobs of the field; but for Steve there was not found an help meet for him.
2:21 And the LORD Notch caused a server disconnect to fall upon Steve, and he slept: and he opened one of the ports, and saved iptables thereof;
2:22 And through the port, which the LORD Notch had opened, made he other players connect, and brought multiplayer to Minecraftia.
2:23 And Steve said, This is now pixel of my pixels, and 3d object model of my 3d object model: they shall be called girls, because they are Guys In Real Life.
2:24 Therefore shall a player leave his father and his mother, and shall be addicted unto Minecraftia: and they shall be one entity.
2:25 And they were all unskinned, the player and his friends, and they were noobs.
This is very clearly about Minecraft. It's a parody of the Bible. I'm sorry that you find it offensive to the point where you need to assume the original poster's age at the time he wrote it (2014) and I'm sorry that you got upset to the point where you needed to call him a sweaty try-hard.
And did you make this account only to post this comment?
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OnceInALongTime: "You confuse me, Mage. Amazability should be a word so I could describe your words."