I read a story called End by 1Dani not too long ago, which inspired me too start writing my own novel.
King Creeper.
Anyway, here's chapter 1 of my new story hope you enjoy! I will still be working on it and updating it every new chapter but until then, here it is!
Sorry for any bed spelling or autocorrect mess ups.
Chapter 1
It was a day like any other day at the spawn, hundreds of people lining up to see movies or to buy groceries, but not Steve. Steve normally went hunting for a seed to challenge his instincts. He went through a bunch that he bought somewhere. He didnt find any that took his fancy.
He was wandering through the streets one night when a single villager popped up in front of him and gave Steve a seed that Steve thought was interesting. It was called " survival of the fittest" he clicked it and immediately he felt the warmth of a desert all over his body, he felt like he could just lay there forever but he knew he had to get moving.
He walked into a plains biome and suddenly felt a chill down his spine.It was colder here than the desert, He started by collecting some wood and he made a crafting table.
It was turning night before Steve had built a house and he had no light source.he was scared and was walking around.....no hostile mobs in sight. then he heard a faint hissing behind him.
"Who's there?"
No answer.
"I'm not joking, this isn't funny!"
this didn't make sense, for Steve was in a single player world. He turned around and saw a flash of green and along with it, a huge explosion! He was blown away. He took quite a bit of damage and he had a large bruise across his arm. He quickly used some of his wood to build a small cottage-like house next to a small cave. He slept on the cold hard stone that night.
He awoke in the morning to the chill of the plains and stood up, legs stiff from being curled up all night. He rolled his neck and his shoulders and with that, he set off in search of some wood.
"what was that thing?" Thought Steve as he strolled through the plains chopping down trees with ease. All he remembered was that horrible hissing noise, eyes that were as black as sin and a massive explosion of pain all around his body. After Steve had cut down about thirty trees he built himself a proper house in a small overhang, the house was very nice looking.
At the front it had a garden leading up to his wooden door and then, there was also a bedroom with a balcony sticking out of the front on the top level.
On the bottom level there was a kitchen a living room, and a bathroom. In the kitchen there was a radio, a few paintings and a small sink. In the living room a lounge chair and a few windows. As the sun set, Steve Climbed up the stairs of his house and then collapsed into his double bed.
The next day, Steve made himself a wooden pick and started mining. He grabbed quite a bit of stone until his pick broke. Steve frowned. He went back up to his house and made a stone pick, Steve smiled to himself
"this will be a lot more durable than my wooden one".
After he had mined iron and some other valuable ores, he went back up to the surface, then to his house. He had put a pressure plate in front of his door so that it opened automatically but had a special sensor that reacted to hostile mobs and shot them dead with arrows.
Steve fell asleep on his couch for how tired he was from mining. He awoke in the morning at about 7:00 AM for the sound of a zombie getting shot in the head by a skeleton, then the skeleton died via burning in sunlight. He put two pork chops in the oven and flicked on the radio. He heard that bajancanadian won the hunger games by a stone sword,
"YES!!! I knew it!" Exclaimed Steve, jumping with joy.
"WHAAA!!!"
Steve turned and saw the terrified girl standing at his door. She had deep green eyes, a small scar across her face, a torn hoodie and bright orange hair.
Chapter 2
"Pork chops are done!" Said Steve
She swallowed it within a few bites, a bit like a wolf, except she was a lot taller than a wolf.
"So.....Whats your name?" Said Steve,
"A-A-Angie..."
What happened to you?" Said Steve
"I clicked on this s-seed and spawned in a d-desert...." said Angie.
"That's strange, I thought I was in singleplayer?...."
"Hu-" began Angie, but was stopped by the deafening sound of an explosion and blocks went everywhere. A large green creature, about three blocks high, it had a crown and a scar that stretched across its face.
"Oh no, not ag-" began Steve but was cut off as Angie said,
"RUN!!!"
Steve grabbed Angie's Hand and sprinted across his house, to a small hole made by the creature, then smashed through it. Steve turned his head and looked back at the remains of his house, all the time and thought put into it. Wasted. And just caught a glimpse of the three block high creature. It's eyes were as black as sin.
When Steve and Angie were safe they stopped.
"What was that thing?" Said Steve, panting.
"I- I'm not sure".
Steve and Angie walked across a plains biome and talked about it.
"What was that?" Angie asked, confused
"It appeared to be, like, some sort of....uuhhhh.....green thing?" Said Steve in reply, who was confused also.
"It looked like the shape of a...wait...no...no no no....it..can't be, could it?"
"Could it be what, Angie?" Said Steve. He was confused by all the madness.
"It's...it's,"
Steve's heart was racing."GOD DAMNIT ANGIE, WHAT IS IT!?
Steve clapped a hand over his mouth quickly, Angie's jaw dropped.
"Whoops....sorry, continue".
"it's...the Ancient stone golem of minecraft,"
Steve's eyes widened, his jaw dropped, his limbs stiffened. He had heard about this stone golem before, he thought it was just a rumor, but as the story told, the ancient stone golem was to awaken 500 years after it's previous destruction and it was here to destroy. Everything.
Steve took out his book, The Minecraft Wiki, it was filled with all the knowledge he needed to know about minecraft.
"What was that green stuff all around his body?" Asked Angie.
"hmmm, it says here that the green stuff on his body is called a creeper, a plant-like vine that can climb up walls very slowly when it grows," Steve replied.
"It must've grown all over him while he was in hibernation" said Angie.
"I'm getting bored of calling him "The Ancient Stone Golem", so let's just call him King creeper instead!"Steve said.
"Haha ok!" Angie laughed.
Chapter 3
Steve was running. Running fast running far, the ground seemed as if it was sinking beneath his feet.
He jumped to avoid a rock that was tripping hazard. "MUHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!" Was the first thing that Steve heard. A deep voice laughing at him.
Now he found after he glanced back that the ground sinking beneath his feet, he had to sprint to make sure that he would fall into the giant chasm that was forming quickly behind him.
Then the chasm behind him stopped.
And he stopped as well.
Then the land sunk beneath him and he found that the land tricked him by stopping behind him, and then opening in front of him.
Clever.
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" Screamed Steve as he plummeted toward his doom.
Down.....Down......Down...and then he stopped, hovering only inches away from the ground beneath him.
and then he hit it.
Steve groaned as he got up and he looked around.
he heard something walking up behind him and he did a somersault forward then spun around.
"who are you?" Said Steve
"I'm The King Creeper."
what a guess thought Steve.
"Where am I!" Said Steve bravely.
King Creeper smiled "Welcome to the nether."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Cried Steve.
"AAAAAAaaahh....." Steve said, awoken in a cold sweat. It was about 8:00 AM so Steve got up off of the grass he was lying in and muttered,
"what a terrible nightmare."
Chapter 4
Angie helped Steve collect some wood then they built a small campfire surrounded by logs.
Steve went walking for food and saw something. It was a skeleton. Not a normal skeleton, a freaking huge skeleton. It was bulky and muscular, with a large metal bow, a sling about twice the size of a normal one and silver tipped arrows the size of swords, that appeared to be smothered in a blue substance.
"Holy crap," said Steve," Angie, come look at this!"
Angie walked over, "What did you want me to s-...oh...my...God."
Angie froze, she looked very pale.
"Ang, are you alright?"
"Yeah, just a little...shocked, that's all."
"I'll find out what it is," said Steve as he pulled the Minecraft Wiki out of his pocket. (It was a small book)
"Lets see...spruce, sapling, sign Aha! Here it is "Skeleton" it says that they are a regular spawning hostile mob from the overworld. A rarer version of it is the mutant skeleton, bigger stronger but slower," said Steve, "its weakness is his collarbone, which is easily pulled out. A strategy it uses is jumping into the air from a distance and firing five arrows at a time."
"Do you see that blue stuff on the arrows?" Said Angie.
"Yeah," said Steve, "I'll check what it is."
"No need, it's poison, cave spider poison. That's one of the most deadly poisons in the world. one arrow in the right place would kill you."
"oh..."
"I was quite the archer at school," said Angie.
"we're you? Hmm...interesting..."
Steve went back to their fire and made a crafting table. He made two stone swords.
"uh, Steve? What are you doing?"
Steve looked at Angie, then picked up the stone swords and held them up.
"What? Wait...no, no, no. We are not going to take that thing on."
"good guess, Angie."
Angie sighed, "fine."
They walked behind a tree about twenty blocks away from the monster.
"So how are we gonna do this?" Said Angie.
"I'll distract him while you go behind him and rip off his collarbone."
"umm...ok, I guess."
Steve ran up to it.
"Hey!" Steve yelled. The creature looked at him and lifted its bow.
"Oh boy."
Chapter 5
Steve stepped back, then the beast fired five enormous arrows. Steve jumped and took cover behind a tree, he ran in front of it and charged, sword in front of him, the skeleton fired again, but this time Steve deflected three of the arrows and just missed two others.
As Steve did this Angie was stealthily sticking to the line of trees behind the skeleton. Angie was horrified at what she was seeing, loads of poisonous arrows were being fired out of that beautiful large bow. Then she whispered,
"I am so calling dibs on that bow."
She kept going until she was almost directly behind the skeleton. She hesitated. Then she charged up to it ,somehow, almost silently but at that moment Steve ploughed into the skeleton and it swung its arm to the side, flinging Angie with it.
"Angie!" said Steve. But the skeleton just knocked him over.
Steve thought he was a goner. He sat there, eyes closed, awaiting deaths icy hand, But nothing happened. He opened his eyes and saw the skeleton practically frozen. Then it collapsed and its bones went all over Steve. Angie was standing behind the skeleton with a bone in her hand. A collarbone.
"Great job Ang!" Said Steve in a greatful tone.
"Don't mention it. Now, I call dibs on the bow and arrows!"
"it's all yours."
"Awesome."
Steve broke the crafting table and then put the stone sword on his back in a make-do sling. Angie carried the loot that the skeleton dropped, bow in hand, arrows in sling. They found a large area on a hill where they setup a base. angie made a farm that had carrots, potatoes and wheat. Steve built the house which was made mainly out of wood, it had two bedrooms and a balcony on one. The kitchen had an oven and a sink with a window near it and a living room in which they put a red couch, some carpet and the head of the skeleton that they had killed.
They sat on the couch and sighed with relief when they had finished.
"Where done," said Steve.
"yep," Angie replied.
"that took a while."
"yep."
There was silence. then,
"...so what now?'' Said Angie.
"We need to mine and gather and then it'll be the big fight that we will have prepared for. The KIng Creeper." Said Steve bravely.
"aww man...Here we go again!
Chapter 6
Steve made a few pickaxes and torches for each of them, then they set off to find a suitable cave. They eventually found one that was fairly close to their house, once they walked in their was a fork in the mine (no, not silverware) so Steve said,
"I'll go right, you go left."
"Okay but when should we meet back?" Said Angie, "provided we don't get lost down here,"
"Uhh... I guess we'll meet back in, say, an hour?"
"suits me."
So they went down one each and started mining.
Steve walked, and walked until eventually he found a vein of iron and coal.
"Awesome," he whispered.
He begun mining and continuously stumbled upon more goods and also more parts of the mine, placing torches as he went. He felt like he had been digging for ages when he heard a voice in his head,
"Back in, say, an hour?"
"Oh no! I forgot about Angie!" Steve raced back up from where he was digging, his heart was pounding, his brain felt like it was giving its self a wedgie but he made it back up to where they came in, and sure enough, Angie was there.
"took you long enough! Now c'mon, let's get going."
They walked out of the mine and in to the plains, then they showed eachother what they found.
"What did you find?" Asked Steve, "I found mostly coal and iron."
"Sucks to be you, look what I found!"
Angie held up four Aqua coloured gems in her hand, they gleamed in the light of day.
"Woah! Awesome! You found diamonds on your first try?" Said Steve, surprised.
"yeah, I think I just got lucky."
"And there's four of them, you know what that means? We can make some badass diamond swords!"
"That's great!"
It was starting to get dark so they said goodnight to eachother and headed to bed.
The next morning, Steve got up and put some of the wheat from their farm and made two loaves of bread then cut them up and put some pork in them. Angie awoke to the smell of pork sandwiches.
It was around lunchtime so Angie went into the kitchen and grabbed one of the sandwiches, then she went to one of the cupboards and grabbed a plate and glass. She filled the glass with tap water and then slapped the sandwich on to the plate.
Steve placed down two chairs and then a few wooden planks. They sat down together and ate their lunch.
"So, where do you think we'll find the King Creeper?" Said Angie.
"I had a nightmare a few days ago, and he was in a place called the nether," replied Steve.
"That's not just a place you just leisurely stroll to! That's a whole different dimension!"
"Oh, so is there a portal or something? I'll check my book," said Steve.
He flicked through a few pages and then found a page on the nether. "We have to find or make ten pieces of obsidian, we can make it by pouring water on top of lava, seems pretty straight forward!" Steve said happily.
"So I guess this means we'll be going mining again?"
"Nope, it means we're going to smelt some stone!"
Chapter 7
"How does this even work?" Asked Angie.
"It's a pretty simple process, you see, all we need is a bucket, a furnace and a few blocks of compressed smooth stone," replied Steve.
"Alright then,"
Steve felt pretty good about himself about now, "I'll get to work on a furnace whilst you get the compressed stone, remember that's just four blocks of stone in a crafting table, and we'll need three pieces of it"
So Steve got to work on the furnace whilst Angie made the compressed stone. They had to make an extra crafting table for Angie. Steve placed down eight pieces of stone around the grid of he crafting table and a tiny furnace appeared in his hand.
Steve grabbed his axe off of the couch and took a block out of the bench, then he placed down the furnace and turned to Angie.
"You done yet?" He asked
"Yep," said Angie as she crafted the final block of compressed stone,"here you go!" She chucked the stone at Steve.
"Thanks," said Steve as he caught them,"alright, the final step!" Steve put the pieces of stone into the furnace, along with a few bits of coal Steve had in his pocket from the mining trip hat he and Angie went on earlier.
They waited in silence. The only sound was too the birds chirping outside and the roaring of the furnace.
Interesting story. I found myself entertained so you're fulfilling the basic purpose of a story. Here's what's good,
-Likeable protagonist
-Pretty natural dialogue
-Original villain
-Descriptions are good where used ("Black as sin" is a good one)
-Good implementation of MC pop-culture references. Personally thought the radio was a fantastic addition. More believable than Dani's admittedly weird addition of a TV out of nowhere. I can dig infinite orbs of water, but my suspension of disbelief ends with a TV working in MC!
-Anti-Order of The Stone syndrome. Your title actually plays a part in the story within the first two chapters! Instead of hanging there with no real meaning or relation to the story.
Now for what's bad Thankfully not that much,
-A bit of detail in certain parts like the mining and house building would add to the story a fair bit.
-A little spacing between paragraphs would make it an easier read and more user friendly. When I see a massive clumped together wall of text I can't help but go in at the very least cautiously.
-Humour does fall a little flat at times, but, who's humour doesn't?
-The title of Chapter 2 has a 3 where the 2 should be. (#Nitpickers unite)
So overall, positives well outweigh the negatives. I'd give it a solid 7 out of 10 atm. Just a few things to avoid in future plot-wise:
-Obligatory scene where Steve kills the Ender Dragon because why not? If you do try to work this in, make sure to use it as a solid point, with real reasoning behind it.
-Romance with Angie becoming the full focus of the novel. I also don't want to see it turn into a lurking demon in the background that amounts to nothing though. Try to find a healthy middle ground. The only reason I say this is because I've seen it hurt so many stories, such as the HP books and 1Dani's Enderpeace. As much as I loved Enderpeace, I couldn't help but shake the feeling that she realized she was supposed to be doing something else at the End (see what I did there? ) and decided just to improvise her way through having forgotten what she was originally supposed to be doing.
-Herorerorerobrine becoming the main villain without explanation, motivation or even common reasoning. Same goes for Israphel and the Wither. Sure, have another villain if you want, but try to avoid using the "Big Three" of cliché villains in their traditional way. Instead of making Herobrine evil ghost bloke who somehow has control of half the world, make him into a noble conspiring against Notch or something. Instead of Israphel being Sand-God's make him a sadistic mob boss. Make the Wither into a misunderstood war veteran trying to get back at the government who had his unit killed in action through idiocy instead of, mean bloke who the player has inflicted upon themselves.
-Creeper King having no personality. It will kill any good villain. If he doesn't, at the very least have a fleshed out villain close to him.
So yeah, my advice. Ignore if you wish. Just trying to be helpful. Would love it if you could take a look at my own stuff sometime.
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Like fantasy? Like Minecraft? Check out a blend of the two here! Fall and a Rise: A Vanillacraft Tale!
Thanks and p.s I appreciate someone understanding my work and not just hating on it, considering how young I am. Anyway, I'll try to improve it. (P.p.s lol as soon as I read your post I thought "OMG I was going to make the chapters a Bit more spaced then I read this, coincidence?")
BTW I got the ideas for the descriptions of words from my favourite book series "Skulduggery Pleasant" by Derek Landy
Very nice so far! I do like it, but everything does seem kind of rushed and lacking in some details at points. Keep writing, practice makes perfect my friend
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Check out my FINISHED story, End, which has over 14,000 views and over 250 comments! Read it already? Read the FINISHED sequel with 16,000 views, found in the description of End.
Offtopic - Does this mean we can expect more from you in the near future Dani? Or is this a one-off? Because there's still a lot more to be does with End and Steve.
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Like fantasy? Like Minecraft? Check out a blend of the two here! Fall and a Rise: A Vanillacraft Tale!
The Meaning of Life, the Universe, and Everything.
Location:
In my city of TNT with redstone
Join Date:
2/25/2013
Posts:
177
Minecraft:
Cindyisadog
Xbox:
CindyisaCrafted
PSN:
I dunno
Member Details
Well, I demand a pancake!
(That's the name of a user made color palette on a skin editing website)
When I first clicked on this story, I saw the lack of capitalization and hit the back button. "Another noob story," I told myself.
I later saw the celebrity posts (lol) and thought to myself, "If it's good enough to these people, I guess it's good enough for grammar-police me." And behind that curtain of misspellings and grammar mistakes (I work better than spellcheck!) I saw an amazing story with a lot of potential. I have a lot to learn from you, from a storytelling standpoint. You put details in the perfect places and your characters have their own diverse personalities. Bravo! -applause sign-
Sorry for my philosophy. If this was tl;dr, then here's a short version: Thought this would be bad, came and read it, blown away, nice job, clapclapclap.
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Why have I been gone so long? My interwebs are broken and I'm sick. Yay.
Want a reply? Reply to me first, I rarely stalk threads anymore.
The only reason I have so many mistakes in grammar, spelling and everything else is because im trying to type really fast and I always miss my mistakes out then never get around to fixing them.
but overall, thank you for your positive feedback instead of some people personally messaging me (don't ask me how they got hold of my xbox username) and telling me to go die in a hole.
hey, Kmandy, Cindyisadog, 1Dani and anyone else who may or may not have read this! It's been a while, I haven't worked on this much, but I'm getting back on track with it and with better writing skills than ever before!
Right now Im working on an actual novel (not minecraft related)! BTW 1Dani, you may find the title funny...
Dani Smith and the Hiss of the serpent
Its a work in progress, but it has about fifty pages so far, so I'm pretty proud of myself.
I read a story called End by 1Dani not too long ago, which inspired me too start writing my own novel.
King Creeper.
Anyway, here's chapter 1 of my new story hope you enjoy! I will still be working on it and updating it every new chapter but until then, here it is!
Sorry for any bed spelling or autocorrect mess ups.
Chapter 1
It was a day like any other day at the spawn, hundreds of people lining up to see movies or to buy groceries, but not Steve. Steve normally went hunting for a seed to challenge his instincts. He went through a bunch that he bought somewhere. He didnt find any that took his fancy.
He was wandering through the streets one night when a single villager popped up in front of him and gave Steve a seed that Steve thought was interesting. It was called " survival of the fittest" he clicked it and immediately he felt the warmth of a desert all over his body, he felt like he could just lay there forever but he knew he had to get moving.
He walked into a plains biome and suddenly felt a chill down his spine.It was colder here than the desert, He started by collecting some wood and he made a crafting table.
It was turning night before Steve had built a house and he had no light source.he was scared and was walking around.....no hostile mobs in sight. then he heard a faint hissing behind him.
"Who's there?"
No answer.
"I'm not joking, this isn't funny!"
this didn't make sense, for Steve was in a single player world. He turned around and saw a flash of green and along with it, a huge explosion! He was blown away. He took quite a bit of damage and he had a large bruise across his arm. He quickly used some of his wood to build a small cottage-like house next to a small cave. He slept on the cold hard stone that night.
He awoke in the morning to the chill of the plains and stood up, legs stiff from being curled up all night. He rolled his neck and his shoulders and with that, he set off in search of some wood.
"what was that thing?" Thought Steve as he strolled through the plains chopping down trees with ease. All he remembered was that horrible hissing noise, eyes that were as black as sin and a massive explosion of pain all around his body. After Steve had cut down about thirty trees he built himself a proper house in a small overhang, the house was very nice looking.
At the front it had a garden leading up to his wooden door and then, there was also a bedroom with a balcony sticking out of the front on the top level.
On the bottom level there was a kitchen a living room, and a bathroom. In the kitchen there was a radio, a few paintings and a small sink. In the living room a lounge chair and a few windows. As the sun set, Steve Climbed up the stairs of his house and then collapsed into his double bed.
The next day, Steve made himself a wooden pick and started mining. He grabbed quite a bit of stone until his pick broke. Steve frowned. He went back up to his house and made a stone pick, Steve smiled to himself
"this will be a lot more durable than my wooden one".
After he had mined iron and some other valuable ores, he went back up to the surface, then to his house. He had put a pressure plate in front of his door so that it opened automatically but had a special sensor that reacted to hostile mobs and shot them dead with arrows.
Steve fell asleep on his couch for how tired he was from mining. He awoke in the morning at about 7:00 AM for the sound of a zombie getting shot in the head by a skeleton, then the skeleton died via burning in sunlight. He put two pork chops in the oven and flicked on the radio. He heard that bajancanadian won the hunger games by a stone sword,
"YES!!! I knew it!" Exclaimed Steve, jumping with joy.
"WHAAA!!!"
Steve turned and saw the terrified girl standing at his door. She had deep green eyes, a small scar across her face, a torn hoodie and bright orange hair.
Chapter 2
"Pork chops are done!" Said Steve
She swallowed it within a few bites, a bit like a wolf, except she was a lot taller than a wolf.
"So.....Whats your name?" Said Steve,
"A-A-Angie..."
What happened to you?" Said Steve
"I clicked on this s-seed and spawned in a d-desert...." said Angie.
"That's strange, I thought I was in singleplayer?...."
"Hu-" began Angie, but was stopped by the deafening sound of an explosion and blocks went everywhere. A large green creature, about three blocks high, it had a crown and a scar that stretched across its face.
"Oh no, not ag-" began Steve but was cut off as Angie said,
"RUN!!!"
Steve grabbed Angie's Hand and sprinted across his house, to a small hole made by the creature, then smashed through it. Steve turned his head and looked back at the remains of his house, all the time and thought put into it. Wasted. And just caught a glimpse of the three block high creature. It's eyes were as black as sin.
When Steve and Angie were safe they stopped.
"What was that thing?" Said Steve, panting.
"I- I'm not sure".
Steve and Angie walked across a plains biome and talked about it.
"What was that?" Angie asked, confused
"It appeared to be, like, some sort of....uuhhhh.....green thing?" Said Steve in reply, who was confused also.
"It looked like the shape of a...wait...no...no no no....it..can't be, could it?"
"Could it be what, Angie?" Said Steve. He was confused by all the madness.
"It's...it's,"
Steve's heart was racing."GOD DAMNIT ANGIE, WHAT IS IT!?
Steve clapped a hand over his mouth quickly, Angie's jaw dropped.
"Whoops....sorry, continue".
"it's...the Ancient stone golem of minecraft,"
Steve's eyes widened, his jaw dropped, his limbs stiffened. He had heard about this stone golem before, he thought it was just a rumor, but as the story told, the ancient stone golem was to awaken 500 years after it's previous destruction and it was here to destroy. Everything.
Steve took out his book, The Minecraft Wiki, it was filled with all the knowledge he needed to know about minecraft.
"What was that green stuff all around his body?" Asked Angie.
"hmmm, it says here that the green stuff on his body is called a creeper, a plant-like vine that can climb up walls very slowly when it grows," Steve replied.
"It must've grown all over him while he was in hibernation" said Angie.
"I'm getting bored of calling him "The Ancient Stone Golem", so let's just call him King creeper instead!"Steve said.
"Haha ok!" Angie laughed.
Chapter 3
Steve was running. Running fast running far, the ground seemed as if it was sinking beneath his feet.
He jumped to avoid a rock that was tripping hazard. "MUHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!" Was the first thing that Steve heard. A deep voice laughing at him.
Now he found after he glanced back that the ground sinking beneath his feet, he had to sprint to make sure that he would fall into the giant chasm that was forming quickly behind him.
Then the chasm behind him stopped.
And he stopped as well.
Then the land sunk beneath him and he found that the land tricked him by stopping behind him, and then opening in front of him.
Clever.
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" Screamed Steve as he plummeted toward his doom.
Down.....Down......Down...and then he stopped, hovering only inches away from the ground beneath him.
and then he hit it.
Steve groaned as he got up and he looked around.
he heard something walking up behind him and he did a somersault forward then spun around.
"who are you?" Said Steve
"I'm The King Creeper."
what a guess thought Steve.
"Where am I!" Said Steve bravely.
King Creeper smiled "Welcome to the nether."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Cried Steve.
"AAAAAAaaahh....." Steve said, awoken in a cold sweat. It was about 8:00 AM so Steve got up off of the grass he was lying in and muttered,
"what a terrible nightmare."
Chapter 4
Angie helped Steve collect some wood then they built a small campfire surrounded by logs.
Steve went walking for food and saw something. It was a skeleton. Not a normal skeleton, a freaking huge skeleton. It was bulky and muscular, with a large metal bow, a sling about twice the size of a normal one and silver tipped arrows the size of swords, that appeared to be smothered in a blue substance.
"Holy crap," said Steve," Angie, come look at this!"
Angie walked over, "What did you want me to s-...oh...my...God."
Angie froze, she looked very pale.
"Ang, are you alright?"
"Yeah, just a little...shocked, that's all."
"I'll find out what it is," said Steve as he pulled the Minecraft Wiki out of his pocket. (It was a small book)
"Lets see...spruce, sapling, sign Aha! Here it is "Skeleton" it says that they are a regular spawning hostile mob from the overworld. A rarer version of it is the mutant skeleton, bigger stronger but slower," said Steve, "its weakness is his collarbone, which is easily pulled out. A strategy it uses is jumping into the air from a distance and firing five arrows at a time."
"Do you see that blue stuff on the arrows?" Said Angie.
"Yeah," said Steve, "I'll check what it is."
"No need, it's poison, cave spider poison. That's one of the most deadly poisons in the world. one arrow in the right place would kill you."
"oh..."
"I was quite the archer at school," said Angie.
"we're you? Hmm...interesting..."
Steve went back to their fire and made a crafting table. He made two stone swords.
"uh, Steve? What are you doing?"
Steve looked at Angie, then picked up the stone swords and held them up.
"What? Wait...no, no, no. We are not going to take that thing on."
"good guess, Angie."
Angie sighed, "fine."
They walked behind a tree about twenty blocks away from the monster.
"So how are we gonna do this?" Said Angie.
"I'll distract him while you go behind him and rip off his collarbone."
"umm...ok, I guess."
Steve ran up to it.
"Hey!" Steve yelled. The creature looked at him and lifted its bow.
"Oh boy."
Chapter 5
Steve stepped back, then the beast fired five enormous arrows. Steve jumped and took cover behind a tree, he ran in front of it and charged, sword in front of him, the skeleton fired again, but this time Steve deflected three of the arrows and just missed two others.
As Steve did this Angie was stealthily sticking to the line of trees behind the skeleton. Angie was horrified at what she was seeing, loads of poisonous arrows were being fired out of that beautiful large bow. Then she whispered,
"I am so calling dibs on that bow."
She kept going until she was almost directly behind the skeleton. She hesitated. Then she charged up to it ,somehow, almost silently but at that moment Steve ploughed into the skeleton and it swung its arm to the side, flinging Angie with it.
"Angie!" said Steve. But the skeleton just knocked him over.
Steve thought he was a goner. He sat there, eyes closed, awaiting deaths icy hand, But nothing happened. He opened his eyes and saw the skeleton practically frozen. Then it collapsed and its bones went all over Steve. Angie was standing behind the skeleton with a bone in her hand. A collarbone.
"Great job Ang!" Said Steve in a greatful tone.
"Don't mention it. Now, I call dibs on the bow and arrows!"
"it's all yours."
"Awesome."
Steve broke the crafting table and then put the stone sword on his back in a make-do sling. Angie carried the loot that the skeleton dropped, bow in hand, arrows in sling. They found a large area on a hill where they setup a base. angie made a farm that had carrots, potatoes and wheat. Steve built the house which was made mainly out of wood, it had two bedrooms and a balcony on one. The kitchen had an oven and a sink with a window near it and a living room in which they put a red couch, some carpet and the head of the skeleton that they had killed.
They sat on the couch and sighed with relief when they had finished.
"Where done," said Steve.
"yep," Angie replied.
"that took a while."
"yep."
There was silence. then,
"...so what now?'' Said Angie.
"We need to mine and gather and then it'll be the big fight that we will have prepared for. The KIng Creeper." Said Steve bravely.
"aww man...Here we go again!
Chapter 6
Steve made a few pickaxes and torches for each of them, then they set off to find a suitable cave. They eventually found one that was fairly close to their house, once they walked in their was a fork in the mine (no, not silverware) so Steve said,
"I'll go right, you go left."
"Okay but when should we meet back?" Said Angie, "provided we don't get lost down here,"
"Uhh... I guess we'll meet back in, say, an hour?"
"suits me."
So they went down one each and started mining.
Steve walked, and walked until eventually he found a vein of iron and coal.
"Awesome," he whispered.
He begun mining and continuously stumbled upon more goods and also more parts of the mine, placing torches as he went. He felt like he had been digging for ages when he heard a voice in his head,
"Back in, say, an hour?"
"Oh no! I forgot about Angie!" Steve raced back up from where he was digging, his heart was pounding, his brain felt like it was giving its self a wedgie but he made it back up to where they came in, and sure enough, Angie was there.
"took you long enough! Now c'mon, let's get going."
They walked out of the mine and in to the plains, then they showed eachother what they found.
"What did you find?" Asked Steve, "I found mostly coal and iron."
"Sucks to be you, look what I found!"
Angie held up four Aqua coloured gems in her hand, they gleamed in the light of day.
"Woah! Awesome! You found diamonds on your first try?" Said Steve, surprised.
"yeah, I think I just got lucky."
"And there's four of them, you know what that means? We can make some badass diamond swords!"
"That's great!"
It was starting to get dark so they said goodnight to eachother and headed to bed.
The next morning, Steve got up and put some of the wheat from their farm and made two loaves of bread then cut them up and put some pork in them. Angie awoke to the smell of pork sandwiches.
It was around lunchtime so Angie went into the kitchen and grabbed one of the sandwiches, then she went to one of the cupboards and grabbed a plate and glass. She filled the glass with tap water and then slapped the sandwich on to the plate.
Steve placed down two chairs and then a few wooden planks. They sat down together and ate their lunch.
"So, where do you think we'll find the King Creeper?" Said Angie.
"I had a nightmare a few days ago, and he was in a place called the nether," replied Steve.
"That's not just a place you just leisurely stroll to! That's a whole different dimension!"
"Oh, so is there a portal or something? I'll check my book," said Steve.
He flicked through a few pages and then found a page on the nether. "We have to find or make ten pieces of obsidian, we can make it by pouring water on top of lava, seems pretty straight forward!" Steve said happily.
"So I guess this means we'll be going mining again?"
"Nope, it means we're going to smelt some stone!"
Chapter 7
"How does this even work?" Asked Angie.
"It's a pretty simple process, you see, all we need is a bucket, a furnace and a few blocks of compressed smooth stone," replied Steve.
"Alright then,"
Steve felt pretty good about himself about now, "I'll get to work on a furnace whilst you get the compressed stone, remember that's just four blocks of stone in a crafting table, and we'll need three pieces of it"
So Steve got to work on the furnace whilst Angie made the compressed stone. They had to make an extra crafting table for Angie. Steve placed down eight pieces of stone around the grid of he crafting table and a tiny furnace appeared in his hand.
Steve grabbed his axe off of the couch and took a block out of the bench, then he placed down the furnace and turned to Angie.
"You done yet?" He asked
"Yep," said Angie as she crafted the final block of compressed stone,"here you go!" She chucked the stone at Steve.
"Thanks," said Steve as he caught them,"alright, the final step!" Steve put the pieces of stone into the furnace, along with a few bits of coal Steve had in his pocket from the mining trip hat he and Angie went on earlier.
They waited in silence. The only sound was too the birds chirping outside and the roaring of the furnace.
I may be making the chapters longer soon
Sorry guys haven't been working on chapters lately but will be soon, so stay tuned!
Chapter 4 has just been loaded in!
Yay! I just finished chapter 4! Chapter 5 is gonna be thrilling!
Chapter 5 is done. and by the way, this is where I talk about when I upload new chapters.
Its been a while, but I'm back and I'm working on chapter 6. I guess ._.
I can't think of much else to do for chapters so I'm just going to fix up all the spelling and grammar mistakes.:D
I might not work on this for a while, mainly because I'm writing this on an iPad and it is SO glitchy, so I'll have to swap over to my computer
-Likeable protagonist
-Pretty natural dialogue
-Original villain
-Descriptions are good where used ("Black as sin" is a good one)
-Good implementation of MC pop-culture references. Personally thought the radio was a fantastic addition. More believable than Dani's admittedly weird addition of a TV out of nowhere. I can dig infinite orbs of water, but my suspension of disbelief ends with a TV working in MC!
-Anti-Order of The Stone syndrome. Your title actually plays a part in the story within the first two chapters! Instead of hanging there with no real meaning or relation to the story.
Now for what's bad Thankfully not that much,
-A bit of detail in certain parts like the mining and house building would add to the story a fair bit.
-A little spacing between paragraphs would make it an easier read and more user friendly. When I see a massive clumped together wall of text I can't help but go in at the very least cautiously.
-Humour does fall a little flat at times, but, who's humour doesn't?
-The title of Chapter 2 has a 3 where the 2 should be. (#Nitpickers unite)
So overall, positives well outweigh the negatives. I'd give it a solid 7 out of 10 atm. Just a few things to avoid in future plot-wise:
-Obligatory scene where Steve kills the Ender Dragon because why not? If you do try to work this in, make sure to use it as a solid point, with real reasoning behind it.
-Romance with Angie becoming the full focus of the novel. I also don't want to see it turn into a lurking demon in the background that amounts to nothing though. Try to find a healthy middle ground. The only reason I say this is because I've seen it hurt so many stories, such as the HP books and 1Dani's Enderpeace. As much as I loved Enderpeace, I couldn't help but shake the feeling that she realized she was supposed to be doing something else at the End (see what I did there? ) and decided just to improvise her way through having forgotten what she was originally supposed to be doing.
-Herorerorerobrine becoming the main villain without explanation, motivation or even common reasoning. Same goes for Israphel and the Wither. Sure, have another villain if you want, but try to avoid using the "Big Three" of cliché villains in their traditional way. Instead of making Herobrine evil ghost bloke who somehow has control of half the world, make him into a noble conspiring against Notch or something. Instead of Israphel being Sand-God's make him a sadistic mob boss. Make the Wither into a misunderstood war veteran trying to get back at the government who had his unit killed in action through idiocy instead of, mean bloke who the player has inflicted upon themselves.
-Creeper King having no personality. It will kill any good villain. If he doesn't, at the very least have a fleshed out villain close to him.
So yeah, my advice. Ignore if you wish. Just trying to be helpful. Would love it if you could take a look at my own stuff sometime.
Like fantasy? Like Minecraft? Check out a blend of the two here! Fall and a Rise: A Vanillacraft Tale!
BTW I got the ideas for the descriptions of words from my favourite book series "Skulduggery Pleasant" by Derek Landy
Offtopic - Does this mean we can expect more from you in the near future Dani? Or is this a one-off? Because there's still a lot more to be does with End and Steve.
Like fantasy? Like Minecraft? Check out a blend of the two here! Fall and a Rise: A Vanillacraft Tale!
You seem to have had a lot of time to hone your style and it really shows. The best stuff you've written.
Like fantasy? Like Minecraft? Check out a blend of the two here! Fall and a Rise: A Vanillacraft Tale!
Like fantasy? Like Minecraft? Check out a blend of the two here! Fall and a Rise: A Vanillacraft Tale!
by the way, I remember you saying something about a scene where Steve kills the Ender dragon? Well just keep reading the story 😉
Like fantasy? Like Minecraft? Check out a blend of the two here! Fall and a Rise: A Vanillacraft Tale!
Like fantasy? Like Minecraft? Check out a blend of the two here! Fall and a Rise: A Vanillacraft Tale!
Like fantasy? Like Minecraft? Check out a blend of the two here! Fall and a Rise: A Vanillacraft Tale!
(That's the name of a user made color palette on a skin editing website)
When I first clicked on this story, I saw the lack of capitalization and hit the back button. "Another noob story," I told myself.
I later saw the celebrity posts (lol) and thought to myself, "If it's good enough to these people, I guess it's good enough for grammar-police me." And behind that curtain of misspellings and grammar mistakes (I work better than spellcheck!) I saw an amazing story with a lot of potential. I have a lot to learn from you, from a storytelling standpoint. You put details in the perfect places and your characters have their own diverse personalities. Bravo! -applause sign-
Sorry for my philosophy. If this was tl;dr, then here's a short version: Thought this would be bad, came and read it, blown away, nice job, clapclapclap.
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Why have I been gone so long? My interwebs are broken and I'm sick. Yay.
Want a reply? Reply to me first, I rarely stalk threads anymore.
The only reason I have so many mistakes in grammar, spelling and everything else is because im trying to type really fast and I always miss my mistakes out then never get around to fixing them.
but overall, thank you for your positive feedback instead of some people personally messaging me (don't ask me how they got hold of my xbox username) and telling me to go die in a hole.
hey, Kmandy, Cindyisadog, 1Dani and anyone else who may or may not have read this! It's been a while, I haven't worked on this much, but I'm getting back on track with it and with better writing skills than ever before!
Right now Im working on an actual novel (not minecraft related)! BTW 1Dani, you may find the title funny...
Dani Smith and the Hiss of the serpent
Its a work in progress, but it has about fifty pages so far, so I'm pretty proud of myself.
That made me sound big headed didn it? Oh, well.