this is the first in a series of origins, i'll be coming up with theories for;
-strongholds (now)
-dungeons
-nether fortresses
-abandoned mines
-villages
-mushroom islands
In ancient days, long before, steve, testificate, and even zombie pigmen, lived a people who's name now lies in mystery. They were far more intelligent than other races, building huge libraries, and invented technology that would dazzle most; things like the spawner, enchantments, redstone tech and many of the most useful potions. they also built great cities that could span a whole biome and could reach up to the sky and down to the void.Among their science, they also had a great religious belief, that a great dragon was awaiting them somewhere in space.
One day, a group of scientists started a company they called the EnderMan Society, who proclaimed they would find the dragon. They did this by trading with other races, capturing gems that fell from the sky and even mining into the void, until eventually they created a device that would track down the dragons home and allow them safe travel.
When it was complete, the institute sent 3 people through, a knight, a priest and a scientist. after entering they found a barren landscape made of strange green stone, and large black pillars topped with flaming crystals. in the distance they saw a great black creature...
Days later, the priest returned telling of his companions deaths at the hands of the dragon. He was scarred and bruised, but the strangest thing was an obscure grey infection on his bald head. He was sent to the hospital where he slowly went insane, soon no-one dared visit him. after weeks though, a nurse was sent to see him, and was confronted by a tall, black, ghostly humanoid, which swiftly mauled her to death and escaped through the open door.
The entire hospital swiftly fell to this creature, and those that escaped were soon transformed likewise, before infecting whole cities. For all the civilisation's power, it couldn't halt these mutant demons. Now the EnderMan Institute had a new goal, to stop these ghouls.
The Institute was almost successful in banishing these creatures to the dragon's territory, but the disease still lingered in some infected but so far unchanged. 3 Arks were created to save the uninfected, buried deep underground and the portals were locked away with a silverfish spawner to guard. People were hidden in another part of these buildings, along with storerooms for rations and libraries to preserve the people's knowledge.
This method saved and doomed the people, the ghouls couldn't get in, but the rations quickly ran out, people became restless and ultimately the spawners failed, and the bugs overran the buildings. No-one was spared.
Just to clarify; the 'device' was an end portal, the 'ghouls' were the endermen (mob), the 'arks' were strongholds and the gems were enderpearls. Only post helpful criticism, no this sucks or anything like that.
No, there has never, ever been a sandbox game with a story or ending... except Grand Theft Auto... and Saints Row... and Red Dead Redemption... and Crack Down... and Assassins Creed...
if they "succesfully banished" the endermen, why are they present in the overworld to this day?
good point, ill edit that. my idea was that only full endermen were banished.
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No, there has never, ever been a sandbox game with a story or ending... except Grand Theft Auto... and Saints Row... and Red Dead Redemption... and Crack Down... and Assassins Creed...
This is a an awesome story man! I loved it. I hope more come soon!
done one for nether fortresses.
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No, there has never, ever been a sandbox game with a story or ending... except Grand Theft Auto... and Saints Row... and Red Dead Redemption... and Crack Down... and Assassins Creed...
try to use different adjectives: "the strangest thing was a strange infection" is a repetitive. using a different adjective for "strange" in one of those places would liven it up a bit.
Also, look into where to put commas, and remember to use apostrophes for possession ("the dragons home" is different than "the dragon's home")
Considering the audience, the latter is less important.. but the adjective thing will remove the only real catch i found in your writing.
Overall, good work! I look forward to the continuation.
try to use different adjectives: "the strangest thing was a strange infection" is a repetitive. using a different adjective for "strange" in one of those places would liven it up a bit.
Also, look into where to put commas, and remember to use apostrophes for possession ("the dragons home" is different than "the dragon's home")
Considering the audience, the latter is less important.. but the adjective thing will remove the only real catch i found in your writing.
Overall, good work! I look forward to the continuation.
thanks for the tips, i don't write that often. i'm one of those people who has great ideas but often struggles to put them to words. i'm always open to criticism like this, so thanks again (updating now).
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
No, there has never, ever been a sandbox game with a story or ending... except Grand Theft Auto... and Saints Row... and Red Dead Redemption... and Crack Down... and Assassins Creed...
I figured that strongholds were from a time before humans were scarce. When the zombie/skeleton/creeper problom was at its peak. And villages would retreat there in times of need. Then they research for a new weapon to use against the creatures and discovered the end filled with endermen, some of which made it back through. The people decided to close off the strongholds for safety and forgot them. Building wells over the entrances. Then comes steve.
-strongholds (now)
-dungeons
-nether fortresses
-abandoned mines
-villages
-mushroom islands
In ancient days, long before, steve, testificate, and even zombie pigmen, lived a people who's name now lies in mystery. They were far more intelligent than other races, building huge libraries, and invented technology that would dazzle most; things like the spawner, enchantments, redstone tech and many of the most useful potions. they also built great cities that could span a whole biome and could reach up to the sky and down to the void.Among their science, they also had a great religious belief, that a great dragon was awaiting them somewhere in space.
One day, a group of scientists started a company they called the EnderMan Society, who proclaimed they would find the dragon. They did this by trading with other races, capturing gems that fell from the sky and even mining into the void, until eventually they created a device that would track down the dragons home and allow them safe travel.
When it was complete, the institute sent 3 people through, a knight, a priest and a scientist. after entering they found a barren landscape made of strange green stone, and large black pillars topped with flaming crystals. in the distance they saw a great black creature...
Days later, the priest returned telling of his companions deaths at the hands of the dragon. He was scarred and bruised, but the strangest thing was an obscure grey infection on his bald head. He was sent to the hospital where he slowly went insane, soon no-one dared visit him. after weeks though, a nurse was sent to see him, and was confronted by a tall, black, ghostly humanoid, which swiftly mauled her to death and escaped through the open door.
The entire hospital swiftly fell to this creature, and those that escaped were soon transformed likewise, before infecting whole cities. For all the civilisation's power, it couldn't halt these mutant demons. Now the EnderMan Institute had a new goal, to stop these ghouls.
The Institute was almost successful in banishing these creatures to the dragon's territory, but the disease still lingered in some infected but so far unchanged. 3 Arks were created to save the uninfected, buried deep underground and the portals were locked away with a silverfish spawner to guard. People were hidden in another part of these buildings, along with storerooms for rations and libraries to preserve the people's knowledge.
This method saved and doomed the people, the ghouls couldn't get in, but the rations quickly ran out, people became restless and ultimately the spawners failed, and the bugs overran the buildings. No-one was spared.
Just to clarify; the 'device' was an end portal, the 'ghouls' were the endermen (mob), the 'arks' were strongholds and the gems were enderpearls. Only post helpful criticism, no this sucks or anything like that.
good point, ill edit that. my idea was that only full endermen were banished.
done one for nether fortresses.
http://www.youtube.com/Evivancy
A couple of small writing tips, though:
try to use different adjectives: "the strangest thing was a strange infection" is a repetitive. using a different adjective for "strange" in one of those places would liven it up a bit.
Also, look into where to put commas, and remember to use apostrophes for possession ("the dragons home" is different than "the dragon's home")
Considering the audience, the latter is less important.. but the adjective thing will remove the only real catch i found in your writing.
Overall, good work! I look forward to the continuation.
much like minecraft, i wanted these stories to be fairly open-ended, i've read stuff like this before and often skip through it as it's to long.
thanks for the tips, i don't write that often. i'm one of those people who has great ideas but often struggles to put them to words. i'm always open to criticism like this, so thanks again (updating now).
I figured that strongholds were from a time before humans were scarce. When the zombie/skeleton/creeper problom was at its peak. And villages would retreat there in times of need. Then they research for a new weapon to use against the creatures and discovered the end filled with endermen, some of which made it back through. The people decided to close off the strongholds for safety and forgot them. Building wells over the entrances. Then comes steve.
it was almost successful as you can see if you read it carefully