"Did someone refer you?: no" - I doubt you both just found the forum together, one of you must have said "hey lets both apply for this one" :tongue.gif:
Thank you. But I would love to hear what errors you found. I like to keep improving myself.
At the age of 21 Davorn left the town he grew up in. It was not really his choice, but he simple had to. Never did he expect to be thrown out by the mayor, even less by his parents. Although he left his parents house some time ago, Davorn always thought he'd be welcome there. But, that wasn't the case anymore.
It were his eyes that gave him away. Their bright yellow color spooked many of the townsfolk. He used to be a ranger of profession, spending much of his time in the woods. That is where he found out he could feel the thoughts of some of the animals around there. It started with the wolves; Davorn would hide when he knew wolves where close by. Not that time. He felt their greeting and waited for them. But it was just the beginning.
After he started to spend more and more time outside and talking less to the other villagers, people started to wonder what was going on with Davorn. When suddenly someone noticed his yellow eyes, the town quickly became to small for him. Before long people started shouting at him and trying to make him leave. At the end the mayor simply told him he was no longer one of them and that he had to leave. So, Davorn packed his gear and left. He tried to visit his parents one last time, but they never opened their door anymore.
So, after he got off the boat he took to get as far away from his old town as possible, Davorn found himself in a strange town on the edge of a big island. Was this to be his new home? Would these people accept him for who he was? All he knew was that living on his own in the woods made him handy with tools and capable of crafting almost any tool you could think of. So that would have to be his living for now.
Corrections in red Not sure whats wrong but doesn't sound right in italics
In general it feels a little stop-start... lots of full stops. Lei is the grammar queen I'm sure he'll mention more but I know he's busy in game probably helping you get started :smile.gif:
User name*:Spiderluk
Age*:10
Location/Time Zone*:Belgium/GMT+1
Did someone refer you?:CJits
Minecraft Version (eg 1.8.1)*:1.8.1
Land/Town:Tenebrae
Job:Toolsmith
Bio*:At the age of 15 my parents sent me to the army, where we were taught to take care of ourselves.. We could all choose our favorite weapon and train with it.
Every day, they kept telling us that teamwork is essential; and so they gave us our first assignment..
They were going to leave us behind in the middle of the forest with nothing but each other..
At first this seemed impossible, until we started to starve.. At that moment, our survival instincts made us chop down the nearby trees with our bare hands, make tools out of that wood and we started killing pigs and cows and much more.. But we couldn't have done this without each other.. I, for instance, created the tools; while John, one of my comrades, made us armor.. After a day or 2 they came back and told us we had completed the assignment.
We were all so happy and partied all night long..
The next day, I woke up on the ground of a small town.. An old man walked towards me and asked me if I was alright.
He gave me shelter, gave me food.. But I was still thinking about what happened that night, and how I got here..
But the old man noticed something was troubling me so he gave me my very own shop for my 23rd birthday, where I could create tools for the citizens of Tenebrae.
From that day on, I started my new life.. As a toolsmith, to serve the land.
I understand the issues. The only things in red are missing comma's and the like. Glad nothing big came up. English isn't my main language you know. I just thought I did pretty well.
The Italics part I also understand. That should have been a second part of that sentence: Davorn would hide when he knew wolves where close by, but not that time.
Also the stop-start thing I think I understand. I read somewhere before that you like more paragraphing...so I tried my best. It looks like I tried a little too hard.
By the way...if Lei is a he...shouldn't it be Grammar King?
In that case, you did quite well! and yeah, that does make more sense. Either that or a hyphen (-)
By more paragraphing, we mean more than one paragraph. Look at some of the other apps... they are one paragraph long and rubbish. Even the 10 year old denied above did better than those, because even just two paragraphs means it almost always better. But your app was good :smile.gif:
Lei is a he, but "Grammar Queen" is just like "Drama Queen" - sometimes overreacts a little but still a good person to have around :smile.gif: Its just a little joke
User name*:Eman_irule
Age*:13
Location/Time Zone*:central U.S
Did someone refer you?:no
Minecraft Version (eg 1.8.1)*:1.8.1
Land/Town:main town
Job:toolsmith
Bio*:Loves partying all night. Ive been a black smith in 90% of other worlds ive been to
User name: BananeTheLoco
Age: 15
Location/Time Zone: Norway (GMT+1)
Did someone refer you?: TheDesperateHobo
Minecraft Version (eg 1.8.1): 1.8.1
Land/Town: Shinto
Job: Chef
Bio: She came to Shinto as a traveler, after being sent a letter by her long time friend TheDesperateHobo.
She found the town so beautiful, that she moved there, and became a chef. Sheis 20 years old, knows a lot about surviving in the
wild and monsters, and she knows how to live off what nature gives, making her a good chef.
She is a nice girl, and she loves spending time with friends. She has a good sense of humor, but she tends to be
a trickster sometimes, so watch out. If i were you, id be on her good side..
User name*:Realwaba
Age*:13
Location/Time Zone*:Canada.PDT
Did someone refer you?:No I thought this looked a good server
Minecraft Version (eg 1.8.1)*:1.8.1
Land/Town:Loxely
Job:Rule Enforcement
Bio*:I am 21 and male. I was born in a cave deep in a forest. My parents were thieves and murderers although I did not know until I was 15. My mother died when I was 6. At 17 when I saw my father murder a man simply for the money in his pocket I ran away and swore that I would stop people like him. I then came across the town Loxley which was far away from my home in the forest. It had taken me 4 years traveling but I had found a place I was willing to call home and keep crime away(this is my role playing bio).
User name*:Realwaba
Age*:13
Location/Time Zone*:Canada.PDT
Did someone refer you?:No I thought this looked a good server
Minecraft Version (eg 1.8.1)*:1.8.1
Land/Town:Harfang
Job:Toolsmith
Bio*:I am 21 and male. I was born in a cave deep in a forest. My parents were thieves and murderers although I did not know until I was 15. My mother died when I was 6. At 17 when I saw my father murder a man simply for the money in his pocket I ran away and swore that I would never be like him. I then came across the town Harfang which was far away from my home in the forest. It had taken me 4 years traveling but I had found a place I was willing to call home. I wanted to start a new life here as a toolsmith.(this is my role playing bio).
I changed my application because I heard Rule Enforcement wasn't available so my second choice was Toolsmith.
User name*:NopeYourDead
Age*:15
Location/Time Zone*:USA Central
Did someone refer you?:Nope found it on my own
Minecraft Version (eg 1.8.1)*:1.8.1
Land/Town:Shinto
Job:Role Diplomatic Relations
Bio*: I was 17 and I was born to a good family but something felt wrong about this day in general, it was a cold dark morning, I was in my house looking out when suddenly I could make out a man with some sort of weapon and another man too. They where coming what seemed to be into my house, but no they couldn't why would they, I have never done anything wrong. But they kept coming, so I ran off to try and find something, but with my luck all I had was a bow but it was old and the string was broke. They came in and rushed me but I tied and fought them off, both the men ran off and I was standing there in a bloody pool no one had died but I knew then that something worse was going to happen.
User name*: 14rrasmussen
Age*: 15
Location/Time Zone*: US
Did someone refer you?: No...
Minecraft Version (eg 1.8.1)*: 1.8.1
Land/Town: Mist Valley
Job: Armourer
Bio*: Coming from the hidden mist, I only wish to do as told. I ask for nothing else, nor do I ask for a reward. Those who have me on their side will be joyous, for I will do the things they wont. And to the best of my ability, the things they can't. 24 yrs old.
User name*:Realwaba
Age*:13
Location/Time Zone*:Canada.PDT
Did someone refer you?:No I thought this looked a good server
Minecraft Version (eg 1.8.1)*:1.8.1
Land/Town:Harfang
Job:Toolsmith
Bio*:I am 21 and male. I was born in a cave deep in a forest. My parents were thieves and murderers although I did not know until I was 15. My mother died when I was 6. At 17 when I saw my father murder a man simply for the money in his pocket I ran away and swore that I would never be like him. I then came across the town Harfang which was far away from my home in the forest. It had taken me 4 years traveling but I had found a place I was willing to call home. I wanted to start a new life here as a toolsmith.(this is my role playing bio).
I changed my application because I heard Rule Enforcement wasn't available so my second choice was Toolsmith.
User name*:NopeYourDead
Age*:15
Location/Time Zone*:USA Central
Did someone refer you?:Nope found it on my own
Minecraft Version (eg 1.8.1)*:1.8.1
Land/Town:Shinto
Job:Role Diplomatic Relations
Bio*: I was 17 and I was born to a good family but something felt wrong about this day in general, it was a cold dark morning, I was in my house looking out when suddenly I could make out a man with some sort of weapon and another man too. They where coming what seemed to be into my house, but no they couldn't why would they, I have never done anything wrong. But they kept coming, so I ran off to try and find something, but with my luck all I had was a bow but it was old and the string was broke. They came in and rushed me but I tied and fought them off, both the men ran off and I was standing there in a bloody pool no one had died but I knew then that something worse was going to happen.
Grammar is a little off, but otherwise fine. What happened to your family though, are they still alive?
User name*: 14rrasmussen
Age*: 15
Location/Time Zone*: US
Did someone refer you?: No...
Minecraft Version (eg 1.8.1)*: 1.8.1
Land/Town: Mist Valley
Job: Armourer
Bio*: Coming from the hidden mist, I only wish to do as told. I ask for nothing else, nor do I ask for a reward. Those who have me on their side will be joyous, for I will do the things they wont. And to the best of my ability, the things they can't. 24 yrs old.
You were already denied once and you haven't changed your app. "Mist Valley" isn't a town option, and the bio is too short.
You have one attempt left.
User name*: 14rrasmussen
Age*: 15
Location/Time Zone*: US
Did someone refer you?: No...
Minecraft Version (eg 1.8.1)*: 1.8.1
Land/Town: Faerun
Job: Armourer
Bio*: As a child my parents kept me a secret. They did not want anyone to know of me, because they were assassins. My father by choice and my mother was forced into it. As assassins they were well-known, but much hated. Anyone who could do anything to capture them would be paid large amounts of money. They soon realized that a child was going to weigh them down, and had to go into hiding. They knew a day would come, and so they taught me many things. And found that I had a good eye for spotting the unseen. But then the day came...
All I remember is at 17 years old the door breaking down in our cave-hidden house. My father fought off the first few who came through the door, only to be slain by an arrow. My mother was taken by the people, and they bound me and dumped me in the forest. I was supposed to die, but I chewed on the ropes around my legs, and used branches and trees for the ropes on my arms.
For my whole life I had been hiding, so I already knew how to live in a forest. And with plenty of time on my hands, I had plenty of time to think. I thought of how the guard said they were to hang my mother, but I found she was being used as a slave. I knew revenge was not the way to go, so I vowed to protect and serve the opposing realm. And I will go to my limits. I took on the name Roulace. Revenge will be taken, in my hands or someone else's. 24 yrs old today...
User name: BananeTheLoco
Age: 15
Location/Time Zone: Norway (GMT+1)
Did someone refer you?: TheDesperateHobo
Minecraft Version (eg 1.8.1): 1.8.1
Land/Town: Shinto
Job: Chef
Bio: She came to Shinto as a traveler, after being sent a letter by her long time friend TheDesperateHobo.
She found the town so beautiful, that she moved there, and became a chef. Sheis 20 years old, knows a lot about surviving in the
wild and monsters, and she knows how to live off what nature gives, making her a good chef.
She is a nice girl, and she loves spending time with friends. She has a good sense of humor, but she tends to be
a trickster sometimes, so watch out. If i were you, id be on her good side..
Accepted, grammar and stuff is a bit off, but talking with hobo and english isn't your first language, well done!
User name*: 14rrasmussen
Age*: 15
Location/Time Zone*: US
Did someone refer you?: No...
Minecraft Version (eg 1.8.1)*: 1.8.1
Land/Town: Faerun
Job: Armourer
Bio*: As a child my parents kept me a secret. They did not want anyone to know of me, because they were assassins. My father by choice and my mother was forced into it. As assassins they were well-known, but much hated. Anyone who could do anything to capture them would be paid large amounts of money. They soon realized that a child was going to weigh them down, and had to go into hiding. They knew a day would come, and so they taught me many things. And found that I had a good eye for spotting the unseen. But then the day came...
All I remember is at 17 years old the door breaking down in our cave-hidden house. My father fought off the first few who came through the door, only to be slain by an arrow. My mother was taken by the people, and they bound me and dumped me in the forest. I was supposed to die, but I chewed on the ropes around my legs, and used branches and trees for the ropes on my arms.
For my whole life I had been hiding, so I already knew how to live in a forest. And with plenty of time on my hands, I had plenty of time to think. I thought of how the guard said they were to hang my mother, but I found she was being used as a slave. I knew revenge was not the way to go, so I vowed to protect and serve the opposing realm. And I will go to my limits. I took on the name Roulace. Revenge will be taken, in my hands or someone else's. 24 yrs old today...
Just needed to ask, what can an armorer sell? I've tried leather caps, iron swords, bows, arrows, tnt, and it says I cannot make that kind of shop. I did buy a shop plot... (sorry, I also asked on facebook...)
Just needed to ask, what can an armorer sell? I've tried leather caps, iron swords, bows, arrows, tnt, and it says I cannot make that kind of shop. I did buy a shop plot... (sorry, I also asked on facebook...)
You need a house plot before a shop plot. Once you have both you just need to let a mod know and we activate shop selling for you.
I know its a little annoying, but we had people setting up random shops without buying a plot, which was annoying people who did have shops, they voted on this method instead. We can do it when you're offline too so let me know on the facebook page when you have both plots and I'll do it :smile.gif:
You need a house plot before a shop plot. Once you have both you just need to let a mod know and we activate shop selling for you.
I know its a little annoying, but we had people setting up random shops without buying a plot, which was annoying people who did have shops, they voted on this method instead. We can do it when you're offline too so let me know on the facebook page when you have both plots and I'll do it :smile.gif:
User name:uffda2525
Age:16
Location/Time Zone:US
Did someone refer you?: 14rrasmussen
Minecraft Version (eg 1.8.1):1.8.1
Land/Town:Loxley
Job:Toolsmith
Bio:Born the son of a simple toolsmith, I now live in exile. Raised to be the best citizen I could be, I am on the run from the State. I am now a fugitive of what makes Minecraftia great. But I am not the enemy here. I was betrayed. I am Hyru, and I spoke for my people. And now my people have made me an outcast. But I do not despair. In these journals I shall make a record of my struggle against the State, and the traitor who rules it. As a young man, I had a brother. Had. No longer do we affiliate each other in our bloodline. He has become corrupt. And now must fall. I will not rest until I have my revenge. I cannot fail. I am Cuy'val Dar, one of those who do not exist. I am Hyru, and I will kill my brother! None shall stop me! And those who shall one day fight against the State shall have a leader in me.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
"Ni su'cuyi, gar kyr'adyc, nipartryli, gar darasuum."
IGN: Justinn924
Age: 15
Location/Time Zone: USA, Central Time Zone
Faction/Nation/Town (can be decided later): Decide later
Did someone refer you?: No
Race: Bowman, Paladin (Which ever would be fine.)
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Curse Premium"Did someone refer you?: no" - I doubt you both just found the forum together, one of you must have said "hey lets both apply for this one" :tongue.gif:
I never accepted nor denied but looks fine to me :smile.gif:
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Curse PremiumAt the age of 21 Davorn left the town he grew up in. It was not really his choice, but he simple had to. Never did he expect to be thrown out by the mayor, even less by his parents. Although he left his parents house some time ago, Davorn always thought he'd be welcome there. But, that wasn't the case anymore.
It were his eyes that gave him away. Their bright yellow color spooked many of the townsfolk. He used to be a ranger of profession, spending much of his time in the woods. That is where he found out he could feel the thoughts of some of the animals around there. It started with the wolves; Davorn would hide when he knew wolves where close by. Not that time. He felt their greeting and waited for them. But it was just the beginning.
After he started to spend more and more time outside and talking less to the other villagers, people started to wonder what was going on with Davorn. When suddenly someone noticed his yellow eyes, the town quickly became to small for him. Before long people started shouting at him and trying to make him leave. At the end the mayor simply told him he was no longer one of them and that he had to leave. So, Davorn packed his gear and left. He tried to visit his parents one last time, but they never opened their door anymore.
So, after he got off the boat he took to get as far away from his old town as possible, Davorn found himself in a strange town on the edge of a big island. Was this to be his new home? Would these people accept him for who he was? All he knew was that living on his own in the woods made him handy with tools and capable of crafting almost any tool you could think of. So that would have to be his living for now.
Corrections in red
Not sure whats wrong but doesn't sound right in italics
In general it feels a little stop-start... lots of full stops. Lei is the grammar queen I'm sure he'll mention more but I know he's busy in game probably helping you get started :smile.gif:
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Curse PremiumDenied, too young sorry
In that case, you did quite well! and yeah, that does make more sense. Either that or a hyphen (-)
By more paragraphing, we mean more than one paragraph. Look at some of the other apps... they are one paragraph long and rubbish. Even the 10 year old denied above did better than those, because even just two paragraphs means it almost always better. But your app was good :smile.gif:
Lei is a he, but "Grammar Queen" is just like "Drama Queen" - sometimes overreacts a little but still a good person to have around :smile.gif: Its just a little joke
Age*:13
Location/Time Zone*:central U.S
Did someone refer you?:no
Minecraft Version (eg 1.8.1)*:1.8.1
Land/Town:main town
Job:toolsmith
Bio*:Loves partying all night. Ive been a black smith in 90% of other worlds ive been to
Age: 15
Location/Time Zone: Norway (GMT+1)
Did someone refer you?: TheDesperateHobo
Minecraft Version (eg 1.8.1): 1.8.1
Land/Town: Shinto
Job: Chef
Bio: She came to Shinto as a traveler, after being sent a letter by her long time friend TheDesperateHobo.
She found the town so beautiful, that she moved there, and became a chef. Sheis 20 years old, knows a lot about surviving in the
wild and monsters, and she knows how to live off what nature gives, making her a good chef.
She is a nice girl, and she loves spending time with friends. She has a good sense of humor, but she tends to be
a trickster sometimes, so watch out. If i were you, id be on her good side..
Also, your mother.
User name*:Realwaba
Age*:13
Location/Time Zone*:Canada.PDT
Did someone refer you?:No I thought this looked a good server
Minecraft Version (eg 1.8.1)*:1.8.1
Land/Town:Harfang
Job:Toolsmith
Bio*:I am 21 and male. I was born in a cave deep in a forest. My parents were thieves and murderers although I did not know until I was 15. My mother died when I was 6. At 17 when I saw my father murder a man simply for the money in his pocket I ran away and swore that I would never be like him. I then came across the town Harfang which was far away from my home in the forest. It had taken me 4 years traveling but I had found a place I was willing to call home. I wanted to start a new life here as a toolsmith.(this is my role playing bio).
I changed my application because I heard Rule Enforcement wasn't available so my second choice was Toolsmith.
Age*:15
Location/Time Zone*:USA Central
Did someone refer you?:Nope found it on my own
Minecraft Version (eg 1.8.1)*:1.8.1
Land/Town:Shinto
Job:Role Diplomatic Relations
Bio*: I was 17 and I was born to a good family but something felt wrong about this day in general, it was a cold dark morning, I was in my house looking out when suddenly I could make out a man with some sort of weapon and another man too. They where coming what seemed to be into my house, but no they couldn't why would they, I have never done anything wrong. But they kept coming, so I ran off to try and find something, but with my luck all I had was a bow but it was old and the string was broke. They came in and rushed me but I tied and fought them off, both the men ran off and I was standing there in a bloody pool no one had died but I knew then that something worse was going to happen.
Age*: 15
Location/Time Zone*: US
Did someone refer you?: No...
Minecraft Version (eg 1.8.1)*: 1.8.1
Land/Town: Mist Valley
Job: Armourer
Bio*: Coming from the hidden mist, I only wish to do as told. I ask for nothing else, nor do I ask for a reward. Those who have me on their side will be joyous, for I will do the things they wont. And to the best of my ability, the things they can't. 24 yrs old.
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Curse PremiumAccepted
Yes. I thought Lei had done it, I'll do it in a moment
Grammar is a little off, but otherwise fine. What happened to your family though, are they still alive?
You were already denied once and you haven't changed your app. "Mist Valley" isn't a town option, and the bio is too short.
You have one attempt left.
Changed now! All good?
Also, your mother.
Age*: 15
Location/Time Zone*: US
Did someone refer you?: No...
Minecraft Version (eg 1.8.1)*: 1.8.1
Land/Town: Faerun
Job: Armourer
Bio*: As a child my parents kept me a secret. They did not want anyone to know of me, because they were assassins. My father by choice and my mother was forced into it. As assassins they were well-known, but much hated. Anyone who could do anything to capture them would be paid large amounts of money. They soon realized that a child was going to weigh them down, and had to go into hiding. They knew a day would come, and so they taught me many things. And found that I had a good eye for spotting the unseen. But then the day came...
All I remember is at 17 years old the door breaking down in our cave-hidden house. My father fought off the first few who came through the door, only to be slain by an arrow. My mother was taken by the people, and they bound me and dumped me in the forest. I was supposed to die, but I chewed on the ropes around my legs, and used branches and trees for the ropes on my arms.
For my whole life I had been hiding, so I already knew how to live in a forest. And with plenty of time on my hands, I had plenty of time to think. I thought of how the guard said they were to hang my mother, but I found she was being used as a slave. I knew revenge was not the way to go, so I vowed to protect and serve the opposing realm. And I will go to my limits. I took on the name Roulace. Revenge will be taken, in my hands or someone else's. 24 yrs old today...
Accepted, grammar and stuff is a bit off, but talking with hobo and english isn't your first language, well done!
Accepted
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Curse PremiumYou need a house plot before a shop plot. Once you have both you just need to let a mod know and we activate shop selling for you.
I know its a little annoying, but we had people setting up random shops without buying a plot, which was annoying people who did have shops, they voted on this method instead. We can do it when you're offline too so let me know on the facebook page when you have both plots and I'll do it :smile.gif:
I have both plots...
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Curse PremiumAlbert Einstein
Age:16
Location/Time Zone:US
Did someone refer you?: 14rrasmussen
Minecraft Version (eg 1.8.1):1.8.1
Land/Town:Loxley
Job:Toolsmith
Bio:Born the son of a simple toolsmith, I now live in exile. Raised to be the best citizen I could be, I am on the run from the State. I am now a fugitive of what makes Minecraftia great. But I am not the enemy here. I was betrayed. I am Hyru, and I spoke for my people. And now my people have made me an outcast. But I do not despair. In these journals I shall make a record of my struggle against the State, and the traitor who rules it. As a young man, I had a brother. Had. No longer do we affiliate each other in our bloodline. He has become corrupt. And now must fall. I will not rest until I have my revenge. I cannot fail. I am Cuy'val Dar, one of those who do not exist. I am Hyru, and I will kill my brother! None shall stop me! And those who shall one day fight against the State shall have a leader in me.
Age: 15
Location/Time Zone: USA, Central Time Zone
Faction/Nation/Town (can be decided later): Decide later
Did someone refer you?: No
Race: Bowman, Paladin (Which ever would be fine.)