I am nearly ashamed that I am letting myself actually post this here, but feel lost and crazy. Love will do that to a person. I think its time I hear some hard truth from an unbias persepctive, therefor, total strangers are needed. I am going to whine about a situation in my love life and I'd like to hear someone I don't know's opinion on the matter so that I can (hopefully) make a logical decision about it all...If you think this is idiotic or pathetic, just ignore it, I don't feel like being trolled online right now. Of course I know JUST saying that is reason enough to get trolled...anyways:
My girlfriend has a "friend", a way older guy. He gives her rides almost everyday, she has cerebral palsy and cant drive, my liscense is suspended until i pay off a few thousand dollars in old fines. This friend has made it obvious that he is in love with her via Facebook posts on her wall for all the world to see. This made me angry, we got into a fight about it and I basicly said that he needed to keep his feelings to himself and respect not only me, but HER enough to respect our relationship and keep his feelings and thoughts about our relationship to himself and accept the fact that this girl is engaged to me, and is the mother of my child and he has only known her for barely two months, while I have known her since I was 14 and we've been dating for over 3 years. She conveyed this message to him (supposedly), the next day, he posts 10x more stuff on her wall, and got even MORE blatent about wanting to be with her. Even once posted something along the lines of how awful it is when "the one you love, loves someone else". This guy is also married I was told, I was lead to beleive he and his wife are still together as well. He's mentioned "having a crush" on MY girlfriends page too, I assume ON HER or it wouldnt have been on HER wall. As crazy as it may seem, I am incredibly uncomfortable with him and my girlfreind spending alot of time together, alone, everyday. It makes me sick to my stomach honestly. He also acts like he is her bf, not like hes her friend. He says things like "why did you stand me up" or tells her " is about to change" because she didnt answer his calls. She says that she feels like she cant have any friends because I am jealous and I think everyone wants to sleep with her. This is somewhat true, I am paranoid and I often assume the worst, that is my fault, but i think THIS time I am right, he DOES want her, he said so himself ! She swears she doesnt want to be with him, and I think if she didnt wanna be with me she would just dump me. But its hard to let some guy hit on her and talk on me and try to convince her im a bad boyfriend, and give her rides when I cant own a car yet. I am to the point where I am just ready to say its either him or me. Is that unfair of me ? AM I just being paranoid and controlling ? Or should I have just dumped her the FIRST time she lied to me about getting a ride from him ?
Me nitpicking: Please format your paragraph a little better, it makes it easier to read and for people to respond to.
Anyways, this other guy sounds reasonably suspicious from what info that you've given me. If he's actually married and doing this, you might want to go to Social Services and complain about him or something. Then again, I know almost nothing about how social workers fix this kind of stuff. But you know more than me about the situation, and you know your girlfriend better than I do. My judgement is that you're in the right.
(On a side note, perhaps she lied to you because she knew that you'd get ed off and didn't want that to happen to you? Try calming down and try to think rationally, because thinking in a rage isn't going to help you to get rid of the problem that well. It'll just spurn your brain to make stupid decisions.)
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Hey, guys. Quote me if you want me to respond. Otherwise I'll have no idea what the hell you want with me.
Friend Code: 1263-6258-8121 (Poison)
Friend Safaris: Poison: Swalot, Whirlipede, Seviper.
you will have to think and act sart here, you would have to engage a good discussion with your girlfriend, i would suggest also trying to date her more often and try to show much more attention (well...you are already showing a lot of attention being scared you might split up with her but....just Date her).
you would also have to speak clearly without being angry at this guy that in my contry we like to them "sciupa femmine" literally "girl pickpocketer in italian,that he should at least be clear, if he likes your GF or not.
if yes you have 3 options
1) "fist to the face" (never really the best option)
2)get sad and complain
3) act maturly and ask to discuss all together about this situation.
oh i would keep a better eye on your GF, it might sound sexists, but you gotta keep an eye out, not lock her in keep an eye uou
oh and coincedence i have finished to watch this vid on youtube, watch it, youll become a human lie detector.
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While alive, you have a 100% chance of dying, so don't sweat it.
Roleplay characters:
Death (me)
War
Pestilence
Famine
"Yet another stands before me... Then so be it. For the curse of life, is the curse of want. And so, you peer... Into the fog, in hope of answers."
Okay that was a little tough to read but I still get it (kinda).
What I think you should do..
Don't do anything rash.
You said you two have been together for three years (since 14 years old) and she is the mother of your child.
Since you guys have a child, I doubt she'll cheat on you.
Also, she's right when she said she could just dump you and go to be with him. Maybe she really just sees him as a close friend.
You also mentioned that you heard he's married. Well, that's a problem right there. He should not be professing his love for your girlfriend if he's married.
I think you should find out if he really is married, and if he is, ask your girlfriend what's up with that dude and his wife. Ask him what's up with himself and his wife. Ask his wife what's up with him and your girlfriend. Is he doing this behind her back? That's not what a normal person would do.
Be honest with her. Tell her how you're feeling and what you suspect he's actually doing. If she really loves you, she will (and ought to) understand your insecurity and paranoia, and she should draw a line.
Who knows? Maybe she's making use of him for the car and the money, and once you have a car and money, she'll have no reason to find him anymore!
I hope you'll be able to resolve this issue with her! Keep us updated (although we're just strangers so it may be weird, but precisely because we're strangers that's why we can be honest with each other!)
Remember: Don't be rash and jump to conclusions. Most importantly, don't accuse your girlfriend of doing anything with him!
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Don't argue with idiots. They bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
People say that truly loving someone is loving them unconditional, meaning you wouldn't care that she spent time with a man who is constantly hitting on her, because you love her so much.
However it is bogus to believe anyone short of a demigod could sit by and allow this to happen. You should really tell her how much it upsets you that he is doing this, and the least she could do is address him about it and ask him to stop. You're not telling her to leave him as a friend, however if he still refuses to stop, if she cared that much for you she would do that herself by then.
Also I read you're paranoid that she's sleeping with all of her friends, and here's a bit of advice on that. Don't. If you truly love her you would not be questioning her fidelity.
Well, I am firstly sorry about my wall of text and applaud you all for getting through it, it is a terrible habit I can't seem to break. Even more so when I am typing straight "from the heart". Getting an unbias opinion can be very helpful in situations like this. I'm sure that the least I can do for you all is to give an update, like a reality show and soap opera all in one right ? lol. I brought this situation up with her some time ago and she supposedly talked to him about what was appropriate or not. If this is true, then the next day is when he decided to become even more blatent about his feelings and posted alot more stuff. I feel like he was just trying to make me mad.
Basicly, my gf told me that I should be more secure and have more faith in her than that. I told her that no matter how much I trusted her, it would still bother me. Honestly, it bothers me that it doesn't bother her. I want her to want him to respect her more than that. Of course, I really think that she is leading him on to get easy rides and money, but if she would just admit that and assure me that she loves me and is only using him, I could feel alot better. But instead, she tries to convince me that he doesn't feel that way and that she is only friends with him. I also brought up that she wears miniskirts, fishnet stockings and tight, low cut shirts on days that she wont be seeing anyone but him and that also upsets me alot. She said that I'm not her daddy, she isn't 16 and I will not control how she dresses. I hate when things get twisted...I sighed alot and wrinkled my brow in frustration most of the day. I have come to the conclusion that I will have to deal with this until I can get my liscense back or somehow give her a ride, or until it is completely obvious that she is cheating on me, which I do not at all think is actually happening.
But I am human, asking another (married) guy to not hit on your fiance and then having him do it even more is like a slap in the face. And at this point, I only see her on the weekends and this guy sees her everyday. I would think this situation would bother alot of people. But she tells me I am acting crazy and controlling and abusive and psychotic and paranoid. I havent followed them, conronted them together or anything really at all like that. in fact ALL I have done is argue with her about it. Which, I promise at first, wasn't so much an argument as it was me telling her it bothered me and then it escalated. I don't feel like I am in the wrong yet. I feel like she would have gotten dumped by alot of people a long time ago simply by not seeing anything wrong with the situation. It really started being more of an issue when she lied about getting a ride from him, then the next day I read her texts with him calling her angel and a week later a text about her being the girl of his dreams. At that point she was still trying to convince me he didnt have any feelings for her "like that". She still says she didn't know, and that he has NEVER said anything "inappropriate" to her. I think the texts alone were inappropriate enough I should have dumped her because if he talks that way in text, obviously it wasnt the first time and god knows what he says in person, meanwhile she tries to tell me he'd never said ANYTHING that even HINTED towards him having romantic feelings for her...
Damit...I did it again...sorry for the rant and giant wall of texts...Best I could do is go back and make paragraphs out of it. Sorry, any pointers on how to better arrange a post ? lol Again, thanks for the insight guys. Taking time to get this out on here with strangers gives me a chance to not act on rage alone hopefully...But in 9 hours, she'll probably have a sexy outfit on, riding alone with this guy in his car, not answering my calls and I wont see her til Friday...
Tell her that you do not feel comfortable of her spending time with this guy who clearly have feelings for her. She will understand and limit her interaction with him. Make sure to inform her that even replying privately to him on any cyber sites still count as a no.
Get one of your trusted friends who can drive to offer her pickup services or something. I am sure he'll do so if you explain the situation to him.
Since you have already told him off, there not much else you could do other than the above to solve the situation. If things still go weary and they end up together then you just have to accept it. My sentiment to my partner is that everyone is able to cheat, but not you. Not even once.
You have the right to be paranoid but at the same time you should not let it consume you. A relationship filled with intense paranoia is unhealthy no matter how justified it may be.
The last thing you would want to do would be to get into a physical fight with the man or resort to slandering. A major important thing to remember in attempting to salvage or protect any relationship is to keep your reputation and dignity in check.
I'm going to be honest here. This is not a help forum for personal problems. Most of us come to this section to have fun and post about fun things, not real life drama, or act as mediators/advice givers for people.
However, because I've experienced a situation similar, I'll give my two cents. My ex had a very best friend who was older than her by a bit. The things that posted to each other made me so jealous because it was obvious to me he loved her. Yet, she continued to deny it completely, and say they were just friends. Ultimately, I decided to leave her. She wasn't willing to get rid of him despite how uncomfortable he made me, so I got rid of her. Harsh, but we were having some other issues, so this guy was just the icing on the cake.
For your situation, I would set some guidelines. He can continue giving her rides, but he needs to stop saying how he feels for her and stop making any attempts on her. What I find even more scumbag-like, is the fact that this guy is alleged married, yet, he's saying openly how much he loves her and wants YOUR girl? He's either a heart-breaking cheater, or he has some crazy type of open relationship with his wife.
Either way, you are paranoid, but it's a justified paranoia, and I would be very careful about this guy around her.
Well, you only have two options.
1. Trust her and get over it.
2. Don't trust her and the both of you are over.
Not really sure how to judge this situation.
I don't know her and I don't know what they actually do so I can't say much about that.
As ArarielFett said, it would help more if you posted another thread in another forum suited for such problems, as more people would be able to offer their opinions.
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Don't argue with idiots. They bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
As ArarielFett said, it would help more if you posted another thread in another forum suited for such problems, as more people would be able to offer their opinions.
The majority of advice he's gotten in this thread is the same advice he'd get on other forums, so posting somewhere else is pointless now. As you said, he only has two options. Part of me feels like OP posted this because he wants us to make the decision for him. OP, do what your heart tells you. If you truly love this girl and want to stay with her, then take the risk. However, if you truly feel there is something going on, or that this guy will always be a problem, well then..you know what to do.
In reality, not much can be done in this situation. You can go my route and force her to choose between you both, but what if she chooses him? This really is a no-win situation. Either way you're going to be miserable unless he leaves her life for good, but are you sure you'd risk that happening? How would she feel about being forced to choose? All factors you need to consider.
I honestly have no idea why I chose THIS site...lol. I guess because I was already on here, and it was late and I just felt like getting it out asap because I was upset and not thinking clearly. I think it is easy to assume she is cheating on me. And in a way, I think I did want someone else to make my decision for me. But originally I just wanted some outside insight from total strangers in hope it would be as pure as possible. Its true though, I either have to accept it or move on.
I guess I should have mentioned he is dog ugly and older. But I still don't like him calling her angel, saying that she is the girl he's dreamed of for years, saying that she "stood him up", or posting "The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else" or "I hope one day you will realize I did truly care for you. I promise you're gonna miss me being there, putting up with you, refusing to give up on you. You're gonna regret everything you've done to me, including all the damage you've caused. And someday, you'll turn back and I won't be waiting for you any longer. I might have been worthless to you, but you'll miss me, when I become priceless to another." <---- That was one of those photo quotes so some of it may not be EXACTLY what he wanted to say...but it is very very far from being platonic. Thats just the tip of the iceberg. There's texts and messages which are so obviously not platonic. And yes, typing all of this I feel pretty sick inside...I think she's leading him on to use him, but I don't see why she cant admit that to me. I mean, we use to hustle guys together like that, rude awful guys who offered her money to cheat on me, that were supposed to be my friends. why is this guy different ? And OMG, if this situation were reversed, she would have just completely lost it by now and murdered me, Im sure of it..
I am going to "keep an eye" on this, but not push for much anything else. If this girl really loves me, there's not a whole lot that could change that, no matter how some other guy feels, me being irrational and paranoid is more likely to end our relationship than some guy conveying his misplaced feelings about her to her or on Facebook. And if she wants to be with him, there's not much I could do to change it anyway...
Thanks for all your help guys. You're right though, this forum should be about fun. So I am goin to let this thread go now, and concentrate on having some FUN. I have a new modpack almost done being setup. and I was thinking about trying that Star Quest server thats on the front page. Anyone tried that yet ? It literally JUST dawned on me that having a few friends, online or not, would take my mind off all this crap...I should really get some more social interaction goin and stop whining about HER...lol
I very much enjoyed this video. It made me laugh and think about how gamers can apply knowledge in different ways than other people and how we may get information in unconventional ways, but we're actually a pretty sharp group of people. I need more gamer friends and maybe a new gamer fiance while I'm at it lol
I honestly have no idea why I chose THIS site...lol. I guess because I was already on here, and it was late and I just felt like getting it out asap because I was upset and not thinking clearly. I think it is easy to assume she is cheating on me. And in a way, I think I did want someone else to make my decision for me. But originally I just wanted some outside insight from total strangers in hope it would be as pure as possible. Its true though, I either have to accept it or move on.
I guess I should have mentioned he is dog ugly and older. But I still don't like him calling her angel, saying that she is the girl he's dreamed of for years, saying that she "stood him up", or posting "The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else" or "I hope one day you will realize I did truly care for you. I promise you're gonna miss me being there, putting up with you, refusing to give up on you. You're gonna regret everything you've done to me, including all the damage you've caused. And someday, you'll turn back and I won't be waiting for you any longer. I might have been worthless to you, but you'll miss me, when I become priceless to another." <---- That was one of those photo quotes so some of it may not be EXACTLY what he wanted to say...but it is very very far from being platonic. Thats just the tip of the iceberg. There's texts and messages which are so obviously not platonic. And yes, typing all of this I feel pretty sick inside...I think she's leading him on to use him, but I don't see why she cant admit that to me. I mean, we use to hustle guys together like that, rude awful guys who offered her money to cheat on me, that were supposed to be my friends. why is this guy different ? And OMG, if this situation were reversed, she would have just completely lost it by now and murdered me, Im sure of it..
I am going to "keep an eye" on this, but not push for much anything else. If this girl really loves me, there's not a whole lot that could change that, no matter how some other guy feels, me being irrational and paranoid is more likely to end our relationship than some guy conveying his misplaced feelings about her to her or on Facebook. And if she wants to be with him, there's not much I could do to change it anyway...
Thanks for all your help guys. You're right though, this forum should be about fun. So I am goin to let this thread go now, and concentrate on having some FUN. I have a new modpack almost done being setup. and I was thinking about trying that Star Quest server thats on the front page. Anyone tried that yet ? It literally JUST dawned on me that having a few friends, online or not, would take my mind off all this crap...I should really get some more social interaction goin and stop whining about HER...lol
God, does that guy sound clingy. He also seems manipulative. Anyways, have fun.
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Hey, guys. Quote me if you want me to respond. Otherwise I'll have no idea what the hell you want with me.
Friend Code: 1263-6258-8121 (Poison)
Friend Safaris: Poison: Swalot, Whirlipede, Seviper.
From a female's perspective, any kind of compliment is appreciated.
Let's say she interprets his posts on her wall as a compliment.
If you've known her since you were 14 and have been dating for 3 years and now engaged with a child, I doubt she'd cheat on you. Of course this man might try to pull a few moves, but I doubt it'd go anywhere other than him giving her a few compliments.
If it does go further, perhaps she isn't the one for you.
From a female's perspective, any kind of compliment is appreciated.
I wish guys realized this. I almost always give females compliments if I can in real life and online. I'm active on Youtube, and I often see someone's comment who happens to be female and has a picture of them up. I'll comment to them that they're beautiful (or something else nice), and will later be notified that people responded to me. Those same peole are like "You're pathetic", "You're not getting laid", etc. It's a shame that we are at the point where genuine compliments are so rare that people automatically assume you want to get in bed with the other person.
I wish guys realized this. I almost always give females compliments if I can in real life and online. I'm active on Youtube, and I often see someone's comment who happens to be female and has a picture of them up. I'll comment to them that they're beautiful (or something else nice), and will later be notified that people responded to me. Those same peole are like "You're pathetic", "You're not getting laid", etc. It's a shame that we are at the point where genuine compliments are so rare that people automatically assume you want to get in bed with the other person.
And there's a perfect example of what the internet has come to.
I don't believe that people should be able to dictate who their partner is friends with. I know I sure as hell would be annoyed if I had a boyfriend that tried to tell me I couldn't be friends with other guys. That said, if she is spending most of her time with the guy friend, that is unreasonable.
You sound like you have trust issues. If you can't trust your girlfriend around other men, you probably shouldn't be dating. If you become obsessive enough, it's entirely possible you may drive her away.
I don't believe that people should be able to dictate who their partner is friends with. I know I sure as hell would be annoyed if I had a boyfriend that tried to tell me I couldn't be friends with other guys. That said, if she is spending most of her time with the guy friend, that is unreasonable.
You sound like you have trust issues. If you can't trust your girlfriend around other men, you probably shouldn't be dating. If you become obsessive enough, it's entirely possible you may drive her away.
I completely agree with the above statement. Pretty much sums up what I was going to say.
My girlfriend has a "friend", a way older guy. He gives her rides almost everyday, she has cerebral palsy and cant drive, my liscense is suspended until i pay off a few thousand dollars in old fines. This friend has made it obvious that he is in love with her via Facebook posts on her wall for all the world to see. This made me angry, we got into a fight about it and I basicly said that he needed to keep his feelings to himself and respect not only me, but HER enough to respect our relationship and keep his feelings and thoughts about our relationship to himself and accept the fact that this girl is engaged to me, and is the mother of my child and he has only known her for barely two months, while I have known her since I was 14 and we've been dating for over 3 years. She conveyed this message to him (supposedly), the next day, he posts 10x more stuff on her wall, and got even MORE blatent about wanting to be with her. Even once posted something along the lines of how awful it is when "the one you love, loves someone else". This guy is also married I was told, I was lead to beleive he and his wife are still together as well. He's mentioned "having a crush" on MY girlfriends page too, I assume ON HER or it wouldnt have been on HER wall. As crazy as it may seem, I am incredibly uncomfortable with him and my girlfreind spending alot of time together, alone, everyday. It makes me sick to my stomach honestly. He also acts like he is her bf, not like hes her friend. He says things like "why did you stand me up" or tells her " is about to change" because she didnt answer his calls. She says that she feels like she cant have any friends because I am jealous and I think everyone wants to sleep with her. This is somewhat true, I am paranoid and I often assume the worst, that is my fault, but i think THIS time I am right, he DOES want her, he said so himself ! She swears she doesnt want to be with him, and I think if she didnt wanna be with me she would just dump me. But its hard to let some guy hit on her and talk on me and try to convince her im a bad boyfriend, and give her rides when I cant own a car yet. I am to the point where I am just ready to say its either him or me. Is that unfair of me ? AM I just being paranoid and controlling ? Or should I have just dumped her the FIRST time she lied to me about getting a ride from him ?
Anyways, this other guy sounds reasonably suspicious from what info that you've given me. If he's actually married and doing this, you might want to go to Social Services and complain about him or something. Then again, I know almost nothing about how social workers fix this kind of stuff. But you know more than me about the situation, and you know your girlfriend better than I do. My judgement is that you're in the right.
(On a side note, perhaps she lied to you because she knew that you'd get ed off and didn't want that to happen to you? Try calming down and try to think rationally, because thinking in a rage isn't going to help you to get rid of the problem that well. It'll just spurn your brain to make stupid decisions.)
Hey, guys. Quote me if you want me to respond. Otherwise I'll have no idea what the hell you want with me.
Friend Code: 1263-6258-8121 (Poison)
Friend Safaris: Poison: Swalot, Whirlipede, Seviper.
you would also have to speak clearly without being angry at this guy that in my contry we like to them "sciupa femmine" literally "girl pickpocketer in italian,that he should at least be clear, if he likes your GF or not.
if yes you have 3 options
1) "fist to the face" (never really the best option)
2)get sad and complain
3) act maturly and ask to discuss all together about this situation.
oh i would keep a better eye on your GF, it might sound sexists, but you gotta keep an eye out, not lock her in keep an eye uou
oh and coincedence i have finished to watch this vid on youtube, watch it, youll become a human lie detector.
Roleplay characters:
Death (me)
War
Pestilence
Famine
What I think you should do..
Don't do anything rash.
You said you two have been together for three years (since 14 years old) and she is the mother of your child.
Since you guys have a child, I doubt she'll cheat on you.
Also, she's right when she said she could just dump you and go to be with him. Maybe she really just sees him as a close friend.
You also mentioned that you heard he's married. Well, that's a problem right there. He should not be professing his love for your girlfriend if he's married.
I think you should find out if he really is married, and if he is, ask your girlfriend what's up with that dude and his wife. Ask him what's up with himself and his wife. Ask his wife what's up with him and your girlfriend. Is he doing this behind her back? That's not what a normal person would do.
Be honest with her. Tell her how you're feeling and what you suspect he's actually doing. If she really loves you, she will (and ought to) understand your insecurity and paranoia, and she should draw a line.
Who knows? Maybe she's making use of him for the car and the money, and once you have a car and money, she'll have no reason to find him anymore!
I hope you'll be able to resolve this issue with her! Keep us updated (although we're just strangers so it may be weird, but precisely because we're strangers that's why we can be honest with each other!)
Remember: Don't be rash and jump to conclusions. Most importantly, don't accuse your girlfriend of doing anything with him!
However it is bogus to believe anyone short of a demigod could sit by and allow this to happen. You should really tell her how much it upsets you that he is doing this, and the least she could do is address him about it and ask him to stop. You're not telling her to leave him as a friend, however if he still refuses to stop, if she cared that much for you she would do that herself by then.
Also I read you're paranoid that she's sleeping with all of her friends, and here's a bit of advice on that. Don't. If you truly love her you would not be questioning her fidelity.
Basicly, my gf told me that I should be more secure and have more faith in her than that. I told her that no matter how much I trusted her, it would still bother me. Honestly, it bothers me that it doesn't bother her. I want her to want him to respect her more than that. Of course, I really think that she is leading him on to get easy rides and money, but if she would just admit that and assure me that she loves me and is only using him, I could feel alot better. But instead, she tries to convince me that he doesn't feel that way and that she is only friends with him. I also brought up that she wears miniskirts, fishnet stockings and tight, low cut shirts on days that she wont be seeing anyone but him and that also upsets me alot. She said that I'm not her daddy, she isn't 16 and I will not control how she dresses. I hate when things get twisted...I sighed alot and wrinkled my brow in frustration most of the day. I have come to the conclusion that I will have to deal with this until I can get my liscense back or somehow give her a ride, or until it is completely obvious that she is cheating on me, which I do not at all think is actually happening.
But I am human, asking another (married) guy to not hit on your fiance and then having him do it even more is like a slap in the face. And at this point, I only see her on the weekends and this guy sees her everyday. I would think this situation would bother alot of people. But she tells me I am acting crazy and controlling and abusive and psychotic and paranoid. I havent followed them, conronted them together or anything really at all like that. in fact ALL I have done is argue with her about it. Which, I promise at first, wasn't so much an argument as it was me telling her it bothered me and then it escalated. I don't feel like I am in the wrong yet. I feel like she would have gotten dumped by alot of people a long time ago simply by not seeing anything wrong with the situation. It really started being more of an issue when she lied about getting a ride from him, then the next day I read her texts with him calling her angel and a week later a text about her being the girl of his dreams. At that point she was still trying to convince me he didnt have any feelings for her "like that". She still says she didn't know, and that he has NEVER said anything "inappropriate" to her. I think the texts alone were inappropriate enough I should have dumped her because if he talks that way in text, obviously it wasnt the first time and god knows what he says in person, meanwhile she tries to tell me he'd never said ANYTHING that even HINTED towards him having romantic feelings for her...
Damit...I did it again...sorry for the rant and giant wall of texts...Best I could do is go back and make paragraphs out of it. Sorry, any pointers on how to better arrange a post ? lol Again, thanks for the insight guys. Taking time to get this out on here with strangers gives me a chance to not act on rage alone hopefully...But in 9 hours, she'll probably have a sexy outfit on, riding alone with this guy in his car, not answering my calls and I wont see her til Friday...
Get one of your trusted friends who can drive to offer her pickup services or something. I am sure he'll do so if you explain the situation to him.
Since you have already told him off, there not much else you could do other than the above to solve the situation. If things still go weary and they end up together then you just have to accept it. My sentiment to my partner is that everyone is able to cheat, but not you. Not even once.
You have the right to be paranoid but at the same time you should not let it consume you. A relationship filled with intense paranoia is unhealthy no matter how justified it may be.
The last thing you would want to do would be to get into a physical fight with the man or resort to slandering. A major important thing to remember in attempting to salvage or protect any relationship is to keep your reputation and dignity in check.
Best regards.
Dude, your fiance is cheating on you.
I'm sorry but it is quite obvious.
However, because I've experienced a situation similar, I'll give my two cents. My ex had a very best friend who was older than her by a bit. The things that posted to each other made me so jealous because it was obvious to me he loved her. Yet, she continued to deny it completely, and say they were just friends. Ultimately, I decided to leave her. She wasn't willing to get rid of him despite how uncomfortable he made me, so I got rid of her. Harsh, but we were having some other issues, so this guy was just the icing on the cake.
For your situation, I would set some guidelines. He can continue giving her rides, but he needs to stop saying how he feels for her and stop making any attempts on her. What I find even more scumbag-like, is the fact that this guy is alleged married, yet, he's saying openly how much he loves her and wants YOUR girl? He's either a heart-breaking cheater, or he has some crazy type of open relationship with his wife.
Either way, you are paranoid, but it's a justified paranoia, and I would be very careful about this guy around her.
1. Trust her and get over it.
2. Don't trust her and the both of you are over.
Not really sure how to judge this situation.
I don't know her and I don't know what they actually do so I can't say much about that.
As ArarielFett said, it would help more if you posted another thread in another forum suited for such problems, as more people would be able to offer their opinions.
The majority of advice he's gotten in this thread is the same advice he'd get on other forums, so posting somewhere else is pointless now. As you said, he only has two options. Part of me feels like OP posted this because he wants us to make the decision for him. OP, do what your heart tells you. If you truly love this girl and want to stay with her, then take the risk. However, if you truly feel there is something going on, or that this guy will always be a problem, well then..you know what to do.
In reality, not much can be done in this situation. You can go my route and force her to choose between you both, but what if she chooses him? This really is a no-win situation. Either way you're going to be miserable unless he leaves her life for good, but are you sure you'd risk that happening? How would she feel about being forced to choose? All factors you need to consider.
I guess I should have mentioned he is dog ugly and older. But I still don't like him calling her angel, saying that she is the girl he's dreamed of for years, saying that she "stood him up", or posting "The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else" or "I hope one day you will realize I did truly care for you. I promise you're gonna miss me being there, putting up with you, refusing to give up on you. You're gonna regret everything you've done to me, including all the damage you've caused. And someday, you'll turn back and I won't be waiting for you any longer. I might have been worthless to you, but you'll miss me, when I become priceless to another." <---- That was one of those photo quotes so some of it may not be EXACTLY what he wanted to say...but it is very very far from being platonic. Thats just the tip of the iceberg. There's texts and messages which are so obviously not platonic. And yes, typing all of this I feel pretty sick inside...I think she's leading him on to use him, but I don't see why she cant admit that to me. I mean, we use to hustle guys together like that, rude awful guys who offered her money to cheat on me, that were supposed to be my friends. why is this guy different ? And OMG, if this situation were reversed, she would have just completely lost it by now and murdered me, Im sure of it..
I am going to "keep an eye" on this, but not push for much anything else. If this girl really loves me, there's not a whole lot that could change that, no matter how some other guy feels, me being irrational and paranoid is more likely to end our relationship than some guy conveying his misplaced feelings about her to her or on Facebook. And if she wants to be with him, there's not much I could do to change it anyway...
Thanks for all your help guys. You're right though, this forum should be about fun. So I am goin to let this thread go now, and concentrate on having some FUN. I have a new modpack almost done being setup. and I was thinking about trying that Star Quest server thats on the front page. Anyone tried that yet ? It literally JUST dawned on me that having a few friends, online or not, would take my mind off all this crap...I should really get some more social interaction goin and stop whining about HER...lol
I very much enjoyed this video. It made me laugh and think about how gamers can apply knowledge in different ways than other people and how we may get information in unconventional ways, but we're actually a pretty sharp group of people. I need more gamer friends and maybe a new gamer fiance while I'm at it lol
God, does that guy sound clingy. He also seems manipulative. Anyways, have fun.
Hey, guys. Quote me if you want me to respond. Otherwise I'll have no idea what the hell you want with me.
Friend Code: 1263-6258-8121 (Poison)
Friend Safaris: Poison: Swalot, Whirlipede, Seviper.
Let's say she interprets his posts on her wall as a compliment.
If you've known her since you were 14 and have been dating for 3 years and now engaged with a child, I doubt she'd cheat on you. Of course this man might try to pull a few moves, but I doubt it'd go anywhere other than him giving her a few compliments.
If it does go further, perhaps she isn't the one for you.
I wish guys realized this. I almost always give females compliments if I can in real life and online. I'm active on Youtube, and I often see someone's comment who happens to be female and has a picture of them up. I'll comment to them that they're beautiful (or something else nice), and will later be notified that people responded to me. Those same peole are like "You're pathetic", "You're not getting laid", etc. It's a shame that we are at the point where genuine compliments are so rare that people automatically assume you want to get in bed with the other person.
And there's a perfect example of what the internet has come to.
You sound like you have trust issues. If you can't trust your girlfriend around other men, you probably shouldn't be dating. If you become obsessive enough, it's entirely possible you may drive her away.
I completely agree with the above statement. Pretty much sums up what I was going to say.