i just tell everyone that there's free cake over that cliff, but it only appears if you jump off.
then i put on gloves. once i'm done throwing the bones at rocks, i dump a bunch of gas everywhere. next i get out the matches and run. i throw the gloves in the fire too.
If this was me, I would probably burn the chopped-up body and rinse the blood down the drain, making sure to use drain cleaner afterward, to eliminate any traces.
Bones are harder to hide. They don't break down quickly or easily, but I think the best course of action would be to encase them in a cement block and bury the block. No smell, no suspicion. If anyone ever finds the block, they won't suspect what's inside.
There is also the ever present issue of someone seeing it. It is VERY hard to kill someone without anyone finding out there is always gonna be someone who says "They were at the park at the time" or "They were here" and then having to get rid of it unnoticed?
“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.” — Albert Einstein
"Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and it annoys the pig." — Robert Heinlein
Hmm... Acid seems rather difficult to get hold of. Transporting it could also prove challenging.
Yeah, I believe you need a licence in certain countries as well.
Acid may be well and good for removing flesh, but nothing works better than a nice strong base. Not only that, it's quite easy to get concentrated sodium hydroxide (aka: Lye, Drain-o, Plumber's Helper, Drain Opener). A small vat of this heated to almost boiling works wonders on unwanted ... organic material. Just plan ahead. Don't buy a large quantity of this stuff from the local hardware store. That'll get noticed. Buy it a jug here, a jug there... Patience.
Access to a sewage treatment plant or perhaps an anaerobic digester, though problematic, can also be extremely effective. And the body is transformed into wonderful, environmentally friendly byproducts. Finally ... a way to get SOME use out of that useless person.
Incineration is often the best idea, but access to the equipment for proper cremation is also problematic. Bodies don't actually burn well, so bonfires are quite ineffective, unless they're huge. And by huge, I mean a pile 12 feet long by 6 feet wide by about 8 feet tall. ... Must do more research on funeral pyres.
Burial is the oldest method, but also the most ineffective. Mostly because of the planning. The grave just isn't deep enough. Shallow graves allow odors to escape and carrion predation to occur, increasing the chances of discovery and even identification. Graves collapse. Dirt densities can be detected as different for up to 100 years (roughly), and unless the individual was buried in sand (not a good idea), people can generally spot where something's been dug up recently.
Cannibalism is valid; however, it opens up another world of issues. Mainly on the health side. Not necessarily mental health, because if you're lopsided enough to premeditate a murder with the intent of getting away with it, then you're probably lopsided enough to eat long-pig for a while.... and you still have to dispose of the hide, bones and any organ meat you're not interested in. *shrug* I hear that properly cured leather makes wonderful lampshades.
Animals can also do the dirty work of disposal. A half-dozen pigs will eat just about damn near anything if hungry enough. And you can sit back with a beer and watch 'em fight over the limbs. Take bets with your friends on the winner!
I'm not really liking the idea of burial at sea or in a large body of water. Decomposition creates gases, and unless you've encased the entire lower half of the body (waist to feet) in some sort of concrete before disposal, chances are it'll be back to haunt you. Chains slip off of bones in currents, an unexpected flood washes a body up, etc. Hundreds of stories are available about the futility of this disposal method.
As you can probably tell, I'm not a fan of using machinery to rend a body, even if access is available. The problem is ... they're impossible to clean. So ... throw out any notion of wood chippers, stump grinders, lawn mowers or the like. Once used, they're now something that can be traced.
Yeah, I would've made one kinda like this.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How To Dispose Of a Corpse!
Step one-
Dispose body carefully
HOW TO COMMIT MURDER !!!:
If you use a common revolver (no finding a shell casing) and a common bullet variety (.44 or .22) the police will have a hard time with the trace. If you angle your shot up into the sky, the bullet will fly off somewhere and it will be almost un-findable. If you angle it down, it will smack pavement and the police can use that bullet.
Please don't shoot anyone though (even if they deserve it). It would give those damn anti-gun people more ammo to attack us pro-gun people with. (wasn't that pun-ny). The psychological damage to you due to the fact that you killed someone might also be bad.
also- watch "is it a good idea to microwave this"
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
After 10:30 PST, my IQ drops to around that of a shovel, please disregard anything I say after aforementioned time, it will likely not make any sense, and is best ignored.
REMEMBER KIDDIES: It is only illegal if you get caught.
also-
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
After 10:30 PST, my IQ drops to around that of a shovel, please disregard anything I say after aforementioned time, it will likely not make any sense, and is best ignored.
I think the most reliable method listed in this thread involves pigs.
However, due to IRL murderer using this method, I think it may have become a little over publicized to be useful.
Biodegradable sheeting. Plenty of hot water and bleach. Hacksaw. Garden Mulcher. Industrial Oven or Kiln. Spread remaining dust over many different areas, preferably outdoors where the weather will help disperse cremains.
I do not endorse murder, for that is the sport of Presidents, Prime ministers and Kings, but I do read way too many murder myteries with pathologists and forensic specialists as the detectives...
As the quote goes, "Real Friends help you hide the body..."
then i put on gloves. once i'm done throwing the bones at rocks, i dump a bunch of gas everywhere. next i get out the matches and run. i throw the gloves in the fire too.
Venit, quessit, induravit.
go on boating adventure
step 2
poison in your coffee
step 3
rock tied too foot
step 4
?????
step 5
profit!@
Bones are harder to hide. They don't break down quickly or easily, but I think the best course of action would be to encase them in a cement block and bury the block. No smell, no suspicion. If anyone ever finds the block, they won't suspect what's inside.
"Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and it annoys the pig." — Robert Heinlein
Edit: Oops forgot to mention volcanoes if you happen to live near one would work wonderfully as well.
Acid may be well and good for removing flesh, but nothing works better than a nice strong base. Not only that, it's quite easy to get concentrated sodium hydroxide (aka: Lye, Drain-o, Plumber's Helper, Drain Opener). A small vat of this heated to almost boiling works wonders on unwanted ... organic material. Just plan ahead. Don't buy a large quantity of this stuff from the local hardware store. That'll get noticed. Buy it a jug here, a jug there... Patience.
Access to a sewage treatment plant or perhaps an anaerobic digester, though problematic, can also be extremely effective. And the body is transformed into wonderful, environmentally friendly byproducts. Finally ... a way to get SOME use out of that useless person.
Incineration is often the best idea, but access to the equipment for proper cremation is also problematic. Bodies don't actually burn well, so bonfires are quite ineffective, unless they're huge. And by huge, I mean a pile 12 feet long by 6 feet wide by about 8 feet tall. ... Must do more research on funeral pyres.
Burial is the oldest method, but also the most ineffective. Mostly because of the planning. The grave just isn't deep enough. Shallow graves allow odors to escape and carrion predation to occur, increasing the chances of discovery and even identification. Graves collapse. Dirt densities can be detected as different for up to 100 years (roughly), and unless the individual was buried in sand (not a good idea), people can generally spot where something's been dug up recently.
Cannibalism is valid; however, it opens up another world of issues. Mainly on the health side. Not necessarily mental health, because if you're lopsided enough to premeditate a murder with the intent of getting away with it, then you're probably lopsided enough to eat long-pig for a while.... and you still have to dispose of the hide, bones and any organ meat you're not interested in. *shrug* I hear that properly cured leather makes wonderful lampshades.
Animals can also do the dirty work of disposal. A half-dozen pigs will eat just about damn near anything if hungry enough. And you can sit back with a beer and watch 'em fight over the limbs. Take bets with your friends on the winner!
I'm not really liking the idea of burial at sea or in a large body of water. Decomposition creates gases, and unless you've encased the entire lower half of the body (waist to feet) in some sort of concrete before disposal, chances are it'll be back to haunt you. Chains slip off of bones in currents, an unexpected flood washes a body up, etc. Hundreds of stories are available about the futility of this disposal method.
As you can probably tell, I'm not a fan of using machinery to rend a body, even if access is available. The problem is ... they're impossible to clean. So ... throw out any notion of wood chippers, stump grinders, lawn mowers or the like. Once used, they're now something that can be traced.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How To Dispose Of a Corpse!
Step one-
Dispose body carefully
This has been a Chuck Norris approved message.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
But yours is FDA, EPA, FBI, and ICNF (international Chuck Norris Force) approved.
If you use a common revolver (no finding a shell casing) and a common bullet variety (.44 or .22) the police will have a hard time with the trace. If you angle your shot up into the sky, the bullet will fly off somewhere and it will be almost un-findable. If you angle it down, it will smack pavement and the police can use that bullet.
Please don't shoot anyone though (even if they deserve it). It would give those damn anti-gun people more ammo to attack us pro-gun people with. (wasn't that pun-ny). The psychological damage to you due to the fact that you killed someone might also be bad.
also- watch "is it a good idea to microwave this"
also-
Mod edit: User was warned for this post. Please don't bump threads unless you have pertinent information to add :3
However, due to IRL murderer using this method, I think it may have become a little over publicized to be useful.
Biodegradable sheeting. Plenty of hot water and bleach. Hacksaw. Garden Mulcher. Industrial Oven or Kiln. Spread remaining dust over many different areas, preferably outdoors where the weather will help disperse cremains.
I do not endorse murder, for that is the sport of Presidents, Prime ministers and Kings, but I do read way too many murder myteries with pathologists and forensic specialists as the detectives...
As the quote goes, "Real Friends help you hide the body..."