...And there was the place he washed up. Where he first stood and took note of the sun... The sun! The sun was almost to the horizon now. Time seemed to be going faster here than he was used to. And with the darkness, came a deep sense of foreboding, like a breeze blowing right through him. Altic had been afraid before, but never like this. I need tools. Supplies. But I don't have any of those. Suddenly, the world seemed darker. Fast. Hurry. Must hurry. An animal instinct took over, driving Altic into the forest. The forest, where he knew was something he needed. But he didn't know what.
Username NetWalker Character name Sean Moore Age 16 Appearance A stubble of a black beard, Brown Eyes, Tall, Long hair. Ability gainedA beginner at Parkour/Free Running? (If this doesn't work let me know and I'll change it) Anything else I'm a complete newbie to RP, I'm willing to learn if your willing to point out my mistakes and tell me what I did wrong.
Sean coughed and sputtered as he dragged himself onto the island. Wearily he got himself to my feet wanting to just lie back down. But the island gave him a sense of foreboding. He went on, Knowing that sleep on the beach meant death...
Kitty heard an odd rattling sound, and then a sharp twang. She jumped and yelped, then scrambled into the tree after Sadie. "You know," She said, once seated comfortably on a fork in the branch. "Maybe it'd be better if we teamed up. Like, worked together." She glanced at Sadie.
Although I am not the topic starter, I will tell you what you have done wrong NetWalker
One, you have a lot of grammatical errors in both your posts.
Two, you posted your story before the topic starter has accepted you.
Three, your story should intertwine with everyone else. (my opinion, because your post was too much like a real Minecraft game)
1) Sorry, I get carried away with commas...
2) I thought it would be a good idea to give a little intro to show that, while I'm a newbie to RP on the forums, I can RP worth a crap. I got carried away.
3) Do I really have to meet someone the first day I wash up?
Although I am not the topic starter, I will tell you what you have done wrong NetWalker
One, you have a lot of grammatical errors in both your posts.
Two, you posted your story before the topic starter has accepted you.
Three, your story should intertwine with everyone else. (my opinion, because your post was too much like a real Minecraft game)
1) Sorry, I get carried away with commas...
2) I thought it would be a good idea to give a little intro to show that, while I'm a nebie to RP on the forums, I can RP worth a crap. I got carried away.
3) Do I really have to meet someone the first day I wash up?
Thanks for the input.
(3) Yes. Yes you do. Pretty much everyone met, or saw evidence of, other people when they washed up.
((Netwalker, I have to agree with Imnotlikeyou. The biggest reason a roleplay fails is when people don't interact enough in the beginning. Anyway, you seem to have a good enough grasp on writing prose. However you are definitely moving way too fast. I know this is a Minecraft roleplay, but I don't want it to be literally like the game. Don't go straight after the coal and torches. Your character is a confused teenager on a strange island, so play this out like a confused teenager would. Anyway, you're clear for landing, just remember this isn't exactly like the game.))
Sadie let out an exasperated laugh, "Yeah I think so too." She sat in silence for a minute, then gestured toward the ground below. "What the hell was that?" Sounded like an arrow. Sadie hugged herself uncomfortably, it was hot and humid, even at night on this island.
...Sean began walking down the beach and spots a set of footprints Odd he thought, I thought that I'd be alone. He decides to follow them along the beach until they stop where there were signs of someone washing up. Was I really following the footprints the wrong way? Hmm... Well that matter aside it turns out I'm not alone after all. He began to set off in search of someone to help. It wasn't too long before it was dark, he got nervous as the sun set over the horizon. Out of nowhere a red eyed monster pounced out of the forest and onto Sean. He grappled with it until an arrow flew out of the jungle and hit the monster. It recoiled and scrambled into the forest to find the source. Sean's mind was racing What was that thing?! It looked like a giant spider. Whatever it was, I'm a sitting duck on the beach. It wasn't long into the jungle before he noticed a group of figures. Tired and fatigued, Sean began to walk towards them. When he got about 10 meters away he saw that they weren't human. Skeletons? With bows?! Awww, Im ****ed now! An arrow landed right next to his face. He grabbed the arrow out of the tree and ran, Yelling for help. Running for dear life he jumped a large crack in the earth, putting some distance between him and his skeletal pursuers...
@NetWalker Just a quick tip to make it easier for you and everyone else who reads your rp. Put your character's thoughts inside these ~Where am I?~ and talk inside these "Are you okay?"
As for speech, yes when I actually met someone and spoke I would put it in quotations. And as for though is italicizing not okay?
((Italics are appropriate for thoughts. Also, Sadie and Kitty are fairly well concealed in the tree. You'll have to think of a different way to spot them, like how Neoo's climbed into another tree, he has a different angle. Also, Neoo, when speaking out of character use (( )) so we know when you are. And your commas are fine for the most part, but there are several you place mid sentence that don't belong.))
Sadie glanced nervously at the ground. Skeleton archer? That can't be real. Yet the more she thought about it the more sense it made to her. She closed her eyes trying to shake the completely unrealistic notion, but couldn't. "Whatever, this island could be inhabited by cannibalistic natives or something. Maybe they wear the bones of things they've killed," she said, then added, "I took an anthropology class last semester." Sadie searched her mind for the memories associated with it, but couldn't remember the teacher's name, or the name of her school. Panic gripped her and her chest suddenly fired up with fear. She fought to remain in control of herself and quickly quelled the panic.
Username: Swammi
Character name: Luke (No one really knows his last name)
Age: 19
Appearance: Black hair, a slim body, and he had lost one of his eyes, so he has a eye patch.
Ability gained: Archery and the ability to climb fast.
I woke up. Wait, where am I? I try to breath, but that is when I figured I was in water. I swam up, seeing a bunch of trees and grass. Gah! A giant spider! I punch it away, and a green stick-like thing exploded as if it were a stick of dynamite. The spider drop some string. "Eh, this might come in handy." I said to myself. I soon notice this is not a world that is too friendly. I climb up a tree, amazingly faster then I normally do, but oh well. Soon I see some sort of skeleton of a man with a bow. I had to be fierce, attack before they attack. I drop out the tree and grab the skeleton's head. I force it on the ground and crush it with my foot. I take the bow, thinking it will come in handy. I also take the few arrows from it. I jump back in my tree and wait the rest of the night. I really need to meet someone before I go insane.
... Sean charged into a small cave, about 7 meters deep. He slowed down, then noticed a ragged man sitting on the floor. "W-Woah, dude, you okay? You don't look so good." The man looked up, revealing a pale green face. He got up and shuffled towards Sean. "H-Hey man keep your distance" Sean said. He began to panic as the man got closer. This guy's insane! Oh man. I'm defenseless! Wait! That arrow I grabbed! Sean grabbed the arrow from his belt loop and slashed the man in the face. He stumbled back, surprised, then charged at Sean. Sean stabbed him in the forehead. The man faltered, the fell to the floor. The arrow snapped under his weight. Sean dragged the man outside and began to recount what he knew I am Sean Moore, I live at... I don't know, I am sixteen, I think, I am on an island filled with giant spiders and cave-dwelling cannibals. And... I've killed a man... That thought was too much for Sean, and with that he sobbed himself to sleep...
Username: Swammi
Character name: Luke (No one really knows his last name)
Age: 19
Appearance: Black hair, a slim body, and he had lost one of his eyes, so he has a eye patch.
Ability gained: Archery and the ability to climb fast.
I woke up. Wait, where am I? I try to breath, but that is when I figured I was in water. I swam up, seeing a bunch of trees and grass. Gah! A giant spider! I punch it away, and a green stick-like thing exploded as if it were a stick of dynamite. The spider drop some string. "Eh, this might come in handy." I said to myself. I soon notice this is not a world that is too friendly. I climb up a tree, amazingly faster then I normally do, but oh well. Soon I see some sort of skeleton of a man with a bow. I had to be fierce, attack before they attack. I drop out the tree and grab the skeleton's head. I force it on the ground and crush it with my foot. I take the bow, thinking it will come in handy. I also take the few arrows from it. I jump back in my tree and wait the rest of the night. I really need to meet someone before I go insane.
Not that I am the owner of the topic (OR an experienced roleplayer) but if any normal 19 year old woke up in the ocean with a giant spider on them, I'm pretty sure that they wouldn't be able to process what was happening (Let alone have the strength to punch it off after swimming onto an island from the middle of the ocean)
... Sean woke up around midnight, freezing cold. I can't go on like this, I'll make a fire. Sean had gone out and came back with an assortment of sticks. He arranged them in a pile and then realized How am i going to light the fire? There was some gravel outside the cave... Maybe there's some flint in the pile! Sean sorted through the pile and found two suitable pieces of flint. Wait... The creatures will see the fire... I know! I'll block the entrance! Sean gathered a large piece of bark and fitted it over the entrance. Perfect! Not exactly a door, but better than leaving it open. Sean struck the flint. Sparks flew but it took several tries to get the fire to start. Perfect, but if my encounters with this island have taught me anything, it's that I'll need a weapon... He took two pieces of rock from the wall and a stray, but firm, stick. He worked, whittling the stone to a vague knife shape with the other one. When he was satisfied he fitted it into the stick. I'm not very good with knives, but I still feel safer having it. And with that, he discarded the other stone and layed down Hmmm... Not very comfortable... Some of those leaves looked soft. Sean walked outside and climbed the tree with exceptional speed Woah, I was never this good with climbing before. That thought aside Sean began gathering clumps of leaves. As he finished he began descending and went back into his cave. Careful to not light the leafs on fire he sat the down in the back corner. He patted them out and layed down. You know, I could really call this place home... and with that, he drifted off into a dreamless sleep...
The Meaning of Life, the Universe, and Everything.
Join Date:
11/24/2010
Posts:
56
Minecraft:
Lootieloo
Member Details
UsernameLootieloo Character nameElvira "Ely" Winchester Age18 AppearanceShort stature, Long and curly blond hair, sea green eyes Ability gainedExpert at Locating objects and people...In the form of a second consciousness that seems to know too much... Anything elseShe came from a rich family, and is picky when it comes to food and lodgings.
It was midnight. Loud burbling noises rose from a small lake, and a girl's head popped out from the still surface. Gasping for air, the girl swam weakly over to the tiny island in the center of the lake.
"How did you get yourself into this, Ely...? How?" Ely muttered quietly, and looked down at her dress, which was soaking wet and torn from the rigors of swimming. She groaned, and rested against the single, yet large tree on the tiny island.
Don't sleep, get moving...
"U-wha? Who are you?" Ely said aloud, standing up and glancing about in search of what could be talking to her.
Call me Wince. There's a giant spider in the tree above you, and he's about to EAT you. I suggest you move.
Ely looked up, and there actually was a giant spider there. She screamed, and the chase began, and continued until she lost the spider around five bends in a forest.
Nice, and I didn't intend sarcasm at all. There should be someone friendly nearby...I hope I'm right about the friendliness...
"U-whaa? How are you--?" Ely exclaimed, startling a nearby cow.
Ely, Ely, Ely...I exist in your head. I'm your...guardian, shall we say, and I can't properly manifest...yet. So for now, I'm stuck in you head. ((I plan on developing this further when we get obsidian, wink wink nudge nudge...))
"...OK..." Ely, considering the events of the past few minutes, found this not to be too far off from acceptable-as-truth.
Ely then glanced around, hoping to spot someone friendly...after all, the voice--Wince, she remembered--had been right about the spider...
...Sean awoke, painfully aware of an empty feeling in his stomach Food, I need food... And possibly some more firewood So he set out. and just outside his cave, was a pig. Bacon, Ham, Porkchops! Hmm... I think the leg-meat is good to eat... Sean decided to kill the pig and cut off its legs. He hauled the legs back to his cave and set them down by the fire. He went back out and got some wood for the fire. Then, he noticed an egg on the ground. mmm... Eggs! He picked it up and brought it back with the wood. He gathered some stones and put them around the fire, in a furnace -like fashion. He then cooked one of the legs and the egg. Mmmm... While this is cooking, I'll look around. While on his walk he noticed a man under a tree. The man saw him and scrambled after him. But as soon as he left the shade of the tree, he burst into flames. Woah! Guess the creatures don't like sun. Sean went back to his cave and enjoyed a nice egg and ham breakfast...
Woah woah, you're going waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too fast. Everyone's still on nighttime, and all of a sudden you rush to the morning?
Smart.
((Holy crap. You people go fast! I'll try to catch up.))
Kitty bobbed her head in a sort of affirmative way, and peered down through the branches of the tree. She saw a girl run past. "Psst! Hey, over here!" She called. She hoped that the girl was friendly, it could be bad if she wasn't. Kitty glanced at Sadie again. She seemed like a good survivalist, and her attitude was good for this place. Kitty yawned, and pulled out a handful of clay. She twisted it for a bit, and all of a sudden she had an idea.
((Afternote: The girl Kitty sees is Elvira. Kitty has picked up these things about Sadie from the way she handled herself when they first met, and they're mostly guesses. Thirdly, Kitty's idea is that if she had some way to cook the clay she could make a house of sorts. Out of brick? ))
((Well, you'd need a lot of clay, and when you do finish the shelter it probably won't be beautiful and perfectly bricky, but it's alright.
Lootieloo, you're in.
Swammi, sorry, we have enough people now.))
"Wait who the hell did you just call out to?" Sadie whispered at Kitty harshly, she leaned forward to peer down at the ground below but saw no one. "What if that's one of the skeletons?!" Sadie froze then, uncomfortable with how easily the word escaped her lips.
Character name Sean Moore
Age 16
Appearance A stubble of a black beard, Brown Eyes, Tall, Long hair.
Ability gained A beginner at Parkour/Free Running? (If this doesn't work let me know and I'll change it)
Anything else I'm a complete newbie to RP, I'm willing to learn if your willing to point out my mistakes and tell me what I did wrong.
Sean coughed and sputtered as he dragged himself onto the island. Wearily he got himself to my feet wanting to just lie back down. But the island gave him a sense of foreboding. He went on, Knowing that sleep on the beach meant death...
1) Sorry, I get carried away with commas...
2) I thought it would be a good idea to give a little intro to show that, while I'm a newbie to RP on the forums, I can RP worth a crap. I got carried away.
3) Do I really have to meet someone the first day I wash up?
Thanks for the input.
(3) Yes. Yes you do. Pretty much everyone met, or saw evidence of, other people when they washed up.
Sadie let out an exasperated laugh, "Yeah I think so too." She sat in silence for a minute, then gestured toward the ground below. "What the hell was that?" Sounded like an arrow. Sadie hugged herself uncomfortably, it was hot and humid, even at night on this island.
As for speech, yes when I actually met someone and spoke I would put it in quotations. And as for though is italicizing not okay?
Sadie glanced nervously at the ground. Skeleton archer? That can't be real. Yet the more she thought about it the more sense it made to her. She closed her eyes trying to shake the completely unrealistic notion, but couldn't. "Whatever, this island could be inhabited by cannibalistic natives or something. Maybe they wear the bones of things they've killed," she said, then added, "I took an anthropology class last semester." Sadie searched her mind for the memories associated with it, but couldn't remember the teacher's name, or the name of her school. Panic gripped her and her chest suddenly fired up with fear. She fought to remain in control of herself and quickly quelled the panic.
Character name: Luke (No one really knows his last name)
Age: 19
Appearance: Black hair, a slim body, and he had lost one of his eyes, so he has a eye patch.
Ability gained: Archery and the ability to climb fast.
I woke up. Wait, where am I? I try to breath, but that is when I figured I was in water. I swam up, seeing a bunch of trees and grass. Gah! A giant spider! I punch it away, and a green stick-like thing exploded as if it were a stick of dynamite. The spider drop some string. "Eh, this might come in handy." I said to myself. I soon notice this is not a world that is too friendly. I climb up a tree, amazingly faster then I normally do, but oh well. Soon I see some sort of skeleton of a man with a bow. I had to be fierce, attack before they attack. I drop out the tree and grab the skeleton's head. I force it on the ground and crush it with my foot. I take the bow, thinking it will come in handy. I also take the few arrows from it. I jump back in my tree and wait the rest of the night. I really need to meet someone before I go insane.
Not that I am the owner of the topic (OR an experienced roleplayer) but if any normal 19 year old woke up in the ocean with a giant spider on them, I'm pretty sure that they wouldn't be able to process what was happening (Let alone have the strength to punch it off after swimming onto an island from the middle of the ocean)
Character name Elvira "Ely" Winchester
Age 18
Appearance Short stature, Long and curly blond hair, sea green eyes
Ability gained Expert at Locating objects and people...In the form of a second consciousness that seems to know too much...
Anything else She came from a rich family, and is picky when it comes to food and lodgings.
It was midnight. Loud burbling noises rose from a small lake, and a girl's head popped out from the still surface. Gasping for air, the girl swam weakly over to the tiny island in the center of the lake.
"How did you get yourself into this, Ely...? How?" Ely muttered quietly, and looked down at her dress, which was soaking wet and torn from the rigors of swimming. She groaned, and rested against the single, yet large tree on the tiny island.
Don't sleep, get moving...
"U-wha? Who are you?" Ely said aloud, standing up and glancing about in search of what could be talking to her.
Call me Wince. There's a giant spider in the tree above you, and he's about to EAT you. I suggest you move.
Ely looked up, and there actually was a giant spider there. She screamed, and the chase began, and continued until she lost the spider around five bends in a forest.
Nice, and I didn't intend sarcasm at all. There should be someone friendly nearby...I hope I'm right about the friendliness...
"U-whaa? How are you--?" Ely exclaimed, startling a nearby cow.
Ely, Ely, Ely...I exist in your head. I'm your...guardian, shall we say, and I can't properly manifest...yet. So for now, I'm stuck in you head. ((I plan on developing this further when we get obsidian, wink wink nudge nudge...))
"...OK..." Ely, considering the events of the past few minutes, found this not to be too far off from acceptable-as-truth.
Ely then glanced around, hoping to spot someone friendly...after all, the voice--Wince, she remembered--had been right about the spider...
Sorry. Again, I'm new to RP...
Kitty bobbed her head in a sort of affirmative way, and peered down through the branches of the tree. She saw a girl run past. "Psst! Hey, over here!" She called. She hoped that the girl was friendly, it could be bad if she wasn't. Kitty glanced at Sadie again. She seemed like a good survivalist, and her attitude was good for this place. Kitty yawned, and pulled out a handful of clay. She twisted it for a bit, and all of a sudden she had an idea.
((Afternote: The girl Kitty sees is Elvira. Kitty has picked up these things about Sadie from the way she handled herself when they first met, and they're mostly guesses. Thirdly, Kitty's idea is that if she had some way to cook the clay she could make a house of sorts. Out of brick? ))
Lootieloo, you're in.
Swammi, sorry, we have enough people now.))
"Wait who the hell did you just call out to?" Sadie whispered at Kitty harshly, she leaned forward to peer down at the ground below but saw no one. "What if that's one of the skeletons?!" Sadie froze then, uncomfortable with how easily the word escaped her lips.