You holster your pistol-penis for later and head down to the below deck area...
WHERE YOU ENCOUNTER ANOTHER CRAYFISH!
This one is pleasant, however. He speaks to you in a marvelously Victorian British accent,
"Good day my fellow gentlemanne! I see you're not quite up to speed on things around here. It seems you could use a bit of assistance, and that drunken dwarf of a first mate you have isn't very helpful is he? I cannot render assistance, as I am a CRAYFISH and thus I am too small to aide you in combat. However, I can give you my GOLDEN RING! You'll know what to do with it when the time comes. But don't stick it up your ass. It doesn't belong there."
He drops a golden ring upon the floor and bounds away happily.
pick upp the ring, and then ask the crayfish to kick that other crayfish's (from before) ass.
You pick up the ring and put it in your inventory. You also realize that, by now, the Gentlemanly crayfish is long gone. You decide to check out your inventory:
In your inventory, you have...
x1 PENIS GUN
x1 HASTILY DRAWN BOX OF AMMUNITION
x1 GOLD RING
x1 CLEVER DISGUISE
x1 STRANGE KEY
x1 YOU
You also see your STATS, however you doubt they will be too important
Quote from MrHedge64 »
Buy insurance.
You begin searching for a phone to buy insurance for... whatever, but before you can find one the ship lurches and breaks in ****ING HALF because of your super-deluxe-tasty-righteous speed.
You also see PompleDorf be flung from the ship. He seems to be masturbating whilst singing the Russian national anthem. For once, he doesn't have any vodka on him.
The moon is already high in the sky (sorta). It's quite late, and you're now stranded on an island.
Take a plank from the boat, stand it up vertically and roost for the night.
You decide it to be best to sleep outside of the ship. You take a plank, and with your super-awesome balancing skills manage to stand in a comfortable-enough position on it to sleep.
Just before you drift off to sleep, you hear a ghastly moan coming from inside the ship...
Turn around and stroke pistol ****.
Spin around with hand on pistol ****, throw other hand in the air.
Commence with the Thriller.
You turn around. Holy **** it's a zombie. You attempt to fire your penis-pistol at the zombie, but in your furious gun-sturbation only a moment earlier you managed to jam it.
So rather than run, you decide to do the thriller. Hey, it worked for MJ.
**** YEAH THIS IS AWESOME PELVIC THRUST.
You holster your pistol-penis for later and head down to the below deck area...
WHERE YOU ENCOUNTER ANOTHER CRAYFISH!
This one is pleasant, however. He speaks to you in a marvelously Victorian British accent,
"Good day my fellow gentlemanne! I see you're not quite up to speed on things around here. It seems you could use a bit of assistance, and that drunken dwarf of a first mate you have isn't very helpful is he? I cannot render assistance, as I am a CRAYFISH and thus I am too small to aide you in combat. However, I can give you my GOLDEN RING! You'll know what to do with it when the time comes. But don't stick it up your ass. It doesn't belong there."
He drops a golden ring upon the floor and bounds away happily.
You should probably pick up that ring.
You pick up the ring and put it in your inventory. You also realize that, by now, the Gentlemanly crayfish is long gone. You decide to check out your inventory:
In your inventory, you have...
x1 PENIS GUN
x1 HASTILY DRAWN BOX OF AMMUNITION
x1 GOLD RING
x1 CLEVER DISGUISE
x1 STRANGE KEY
x1 YOU
You also see your STATS, however you doubt they will be too important
You begin searching for a phone to buy insurance for... whatever, but before you can find one the ship lurches and breaks in ****ING HALF because of your super-deluxe-tasty-righteous speed.
You also see PompleDorf be flung from the ship. He seems to be masturbating whilst singing the Russian national anthem. For once, he doesn't have any vodka on him.
The moon is already high in the sky (sorta). It's quite late, and you're now stranded on an island.
^The Portal Song!^
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6Q_koTHB54
^Taste the cake song!^
The cake is NOT a lie!
You decide it to be best to sleep outside of the ship. You take a plank, and with your super-awesome balancing skills manage to stand in a comfortable-enough position on it to sleep.
Just before you drift off to sleep, you hear a ghastly moan coming from inside the ship...
That's ridiculous, there isn't a coke mach-
How long has this been here.
You return to your plank and decide to squeeze off a few (rounds).
You hear that moaning again, and it sounds awfully close. Oh well, probably just PompleDorf recovering from being ejected from the ship.
Spin around with hand on pistol ****, throw other hand in the air.
Commence with the Thriller.
You turn around. Holy **** it's a zombie. You attempt to fire your penis-pistol at the zombie, but in your furious gun-sturbation only a moment earlier you managed to jam it.
So rather than run, you decide to do the thriller. Hey, it worked for MJ.
CONTINUE THE GODDAMNED THRILLER, GYRATING HIPS AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE AS AN ATTEMPT TO UNJAM PENISGUN
You decide the best course of action is to continue what you were doing before, only with more PELVIC THRUSTING
You can't help but feel this is the most awesome thing you have ever done in your entire life.
Your furious thrusting seems to produce fruit: The zombie's head explodes.
You check your dickgun. It's still jammed.
YOU JUST KILLED A ZOMBIE BY PELVIC THRUSTING. You gain a new stat: Awesomeness. This stat starts out at a 20 for this epic feat.
((Post Music: ))
Bury self halway in the ground.
As a perfect finale to your awesome zombie-killing moves, you decide to do a quick but dramatic spin. Your penisgun has grown 2x larger than usual.
Upon completing a 180 degree spin, you notice a ****ing huge zombie horde advancing upon your position.
Your Penisgun shrinks 5x smaller than normal.
Point at them dramatically, a single tear running down our cheek.
Then **** ourselves and dive into the ocean
You decide to play on your previous success of biting your lip whilst raising one eyebrow higher than the other.
Oh **** that ****. You run from the island, leaving only a trail of urine and the echo of an incredibly girlish scream.
It is night. Your Penisgun is jammed, your legs are coated in urine, and you're lost. Wat do?