There are server listings here, though https://minecraftservers.org/ also has listings. Your VERY best bet, likely, is to find a whitelist server that has your playstyle and join it. You just have to get to know people and be known. Another approach is to watch YouTube and look for a channel where the host is showing off *their* server, or does a "lets play" with the style you like. Often they will host a server for Patreon members only. Sure, you have to pay, but you get the benefit of NOT having to contend with anonymous creeps.
I hope that gets you started. But do check out that thread link above and be on the watch for people posting that seem to have pretty much your take on the game. That will really get you ahead on a cool place to call home.
I'm a Young Adult. I like to think I have a decent understanding Of life. I'm actually posting here becuase I'm trying to build A realm.
Issue is. I keep coming across loads of little kids who yes want to have a nice Realm. but don't want to put the work in
or understand they need to work at it.
Reading your post, I think you might enjoy It. But before we go further you do need to be aware It's
A WIP. we are still trying to build an active community. Currently 3-4 of us on reguarly. more every now and again.
If you like to help Us, Please get back to me. I think this could be start of something more long-term!
I really do think you would like it! It's just like Survival, but with some cool people jumping in every now and again!